From The Bottom Climbing UP

Dear Friend

2012-01-26T16:50:00.002-05:00

Why must I feel so inferior, when I am around you, not because I am actually inferior, but because you do almost anything to make me feel that way, then mask it under the guise of caring. My must you harp on my issues and problems, and make them seem that much more troublesome than yours. Why must I feel that my situations, decisions and daily comings and goings pale in comparison to your "extravagant", "wholesome", "fun", "awesome" and "busy" life? Why is it that although I have been labeled your friend, I get limited if any positive feedback and encouragement from you? Why is it that in order to put yourself in the most desirable light, putting me in the worst possible one becomes the best way to do that? What kind of "friend" are you? Is being positive that hard?, Why am I your friend if I am so miserable, loud obnoxious etc? Well dumb question, I mean I think your actions pretty much explain why I am not your friend although you call me that. I'm sick of it. My entire life does not revolve around pleasing you or doing things that you consider right or desirable. Do yourself a favor, DE-FRIEND me. Would make our lives that much easier.

Thanks,

Keesa

This was a draft I had in here from 2009. It's soooooo crazy who this message was for, as our relationship has actually gotten a lot better, but I remember the frustration. I decided to post it, simply because a lot of people have this issue, where you are "friends" with people who aren't supportive of you, but continue to hold the label they are unworthy of.

The BIG question

2010-10-29T10:41:00.008-04:00

Lemme just say that I responded to my friends question in a rush, I had just gotten into work, but I wanted to give him a response.

He is on of my closest friends, and we talk about EVERYTHING, but this...it kinda caught me off guard.

I would edit my response for clarity, but I'm not in the mood, I also don't know if I answered well, I was kinda stumped, like how do you really respond to a question like this? Anyway let me get to it...his email is in red...my response is in purple.

Good morning. I want to know, why are black women so hateful? Lol. You aside, I’ve noticed that most black women seem to be walking around with this chip on their shoulders when it comes to relationships. I sit next to a group of women @ work who all just seem to talk about how the relationships they pursue never really live up to their standards. I know this is a familiar accusation toward a lot of guys that really do not put in enough effort in their relationships outside of the bedroom, but here’s my burning question; do you feel that sometimes women’s idea of what an ‘ideal-guy’ is, is somewhat unreasonable? I think this applies to women of all races, but I have found it more prevalent w/ black women. This coming from a black man w/ years of black on black relationship experience (me).

Lmao…at years of black on black experience, ok (me and you both know your full of bullshiggity)…Anyways, Jess my initial reaction to your question, was damn I feel like there are hateful women in many different races, but I do get why black women get most of the “hateful” flack, I think it is correlated to the fact that black men get the flack for being bad fathers, criminals and overall no good men. If you think about it the majority of black women are going after this demographic, not meaning those kinds of men, but a black man in general, and it would kinda make sense that if I’m going after a criminal etc then I'm going to have issues. Me personally my expectations of a man are not incredibly high, I think I desire honesty, openness and ambition and if I can get a relatively good looking guy then I’m alright. I’m in no position to speak for other women, however I do think that sometimes, women clump men into a certain box, and then any inclination of them doing anything wrong is license to just shoot and be mean. On the other hand do you think that some black men’s characters and behaviors are way too low, is it too much to want a guy that respects you and your body and mind, and respect himself?....If I can’t find a man like that then I rather be single. I think that all the qualms black women have with black men may be legit…I just think that delivery plays an important role. Some women don’t know how to eliminate hateful words and curses, while some women can relate the same emotions, but have it come across more clear/friendly/nice because of how they say it. I would say that some of the issues I have with men (black) are legit. So basically the hateful part I think stems from delivery and not necessarily expectation…Is it bad that I want a man that’s faithful?, I don’t think so. And if he cheats on me and I get angry, is it wrong that I cuss…especially if we made a mutual decision to be monogamous? Am I to say damn my expectation of monogamy was too high?

I don’t know maybe I need specific examples of what exactly you have found black women being hateful towards black men about, maybe then I can dissect this question further, but that’s all I got homie.

I still love you though, you white woman lover!! 0_o

What do you guys think? Can you answer that question any better?

EDIT: his 2nd response is below

I mean, C****’s cool, but I def would kill her 1st when the revolution comes…just to show whitey I mean business…lol. Really tho, do u feel like most guys (not just black) try to treat you like ur “below” them? I found that a lot of the women here feel that way. More of them have never met a guy that’s genuinely tried to treat them as equals. I’ll be straight up, I’m guilty of this. But how do women expect guys to treat them as equals when they expect chivalrous actions? I wouldn’t hold a door, pick up the dinner tab, or be super polite to any reg guy. But women want that. I swear I’m not a misogynist, but don’t you think it’s a little hypocritical? As I’m typing this, a co-worker read it & gave me the business…lol

EDIT: I added my response to that...after a little bit of thought. help me on this as well if you can

I feel like I’ve been treated as an equal in some and not in others. I feel like guys use that whole chivalry as an excuse to be assholes sometimes. Remember that most ideas of chivalry etc have gone on for decades, and is ingrained in us. We’ve just recently been trying to flip the script, some people like it, some people don’t. Do I think that people should be polite, pick up tabs etc.YES…people both men and women can do this, I don’t think its an expectation of mine, I feel that women who have the expectation that men HAVE to pick up the tab instead of doing it voluntarily because they want to be a gentleman, and it’s THEIR personal preference, have the equality thing all wrong. For instance when we get dinner, you always pay, I want to ask you why? I’ve never asked you to pay, neither do I EXPECT you to pay, however you do that voluntarily (although admittedly I’ve never said NO I got it). That doesn’t mean now that because you paid for my dinner that gives you the right to treat me like shit…nor does it mean that I can’t ask you to be a nice guy or not treat me like your little puppy. (I’m just using me and you as an example). On another note does C**** EXPECT chivalrous actions?, have the women you spoke to declared that those are their expectations?...Or are you the guy in the situation ASSUMING that that’s what we think? Holding a door, is a nice thing to do anyway, I do that EVERY SINGLE day, and people should be super polite all the time…so I dunno.. But that’s all I’ve got.

MY NEW MANTRA

2010-10-27T10:58:00.000-04:00

'Control the things you can control,
Let everything else take a flying fuck at you,
and if you must go down,
go down with your guns blazing.”

The truth to my tiredness

2010-10-27T08:48:00.008-04:00

There's something about saying you're tired that makes people think you're not OK.

When did "I'm tired" become "I'm in a bad mood" or "I'm not alright"

Isn't being tired just that, a feeling that you get when you lack sleep or exerted too much energy in one day and need it replenished by sleep or relaxing? Why people go ahead and assume everything else in the book is beyond me. Is it because most people have a bad attitude when they're tired?

Also when I say I'm tired, I am not complaining, most times I say I'm tired and that's it. It doesn't mean I want your pity or I hate my busy life. I knew what I was signing up for, and usually I'm tired is my response when asked to do something that will take up the little energy that I do have left.

For example "Keesa do you want to go with me to get something to eat after work?"

Me: "No, I'm tired"

How people manage to twist and turn and extrapolate and extract anything else from that response is beyond me.

When I say I'm tired all I am is tired. All this "extraness" I get from people, which includes "you were the one who decided to put all this on your plate"...umm yea, i know that, and in putting all that's important to MEEEEE on MYYYYYY plate, I decided that doing things with and for YOUUUU was not....why is that a problem?

Anyway..

On a similar note, I hate when people say "you look tired"... is that supposed to be a compliment? What is the purpose of telling someone that?...If I feel it I know...so why is it necessary to tell me my tiredness is gleaming from my face? I never got that.

It's equivalent to telling a fat person, "you look fat"...like duhh!!..

Anyway...I'm tired but happier.

Besos
Chocolate Kiss

An Update? Sorta...

2010-10-21T20:46:00.001-04:00

Check Me OUT!!

2010-10-01T05:44:00.002-04:00

I made a Tumbler...

Check me out!!!

www.kees-me.tumblr.com

I never updated here frequently anyway...Im very aware, but TUMBLR is truly easier.

If I ever feel like venting or doing a longer post...I'll be here.

Thanks for the support to those who support me.

Much LOVE and of course KISSES.

Madame Chocohlahteh!!

Are you happy?

2010-09-21T13:20:00.003-04:00

If I should answer that question honestly.

NO

I have happy moments, I'm not constantly depressed, or constantly moping, but If I should think holistically about my life, I'm NOT happy.

Makes me think is anyone 100% happy? And if you are how?

I'm striving for happiness though. I try to be optimistic, I try to be a good human being, I work hard...

I'm just going to assume that complete happiness takes time or something else that I haven't quite gotten a handle on.

I know it starts with me so I'm starting.

I'm on the pursuit of happiness and if greatness comes with it as a 2 for one sale, that'd be great too.

Admiration

2010-09-20T09:25:00.004-04:00

One of my favorite photos of Rihanna.

She looks so serene and regal, The vintage feel is also giving me everything.

If you guys don't already know, I'm borderline obsessed with this chick. I have some kind of weird love for her. I dont obsess over many celebs, actually the only other person who would get a whole post dedicated to them is Kanye West.

I wouldn't stalk her or anything, or write her letters or do anything that would render me insane. I just love seeing her, she is sooo gorgeous to me and has a wonderful personality... I'll admit I've listened to possibly every interview this girl has done, watched almost every performance there is. I have every CD she owns, her tour DVD, I browse Rihannadaily almost daily (where I yanked the above pic) (damn these last few sentences totally negated my claim that I am not insane...lol).

I know her weaknesses and I know her strengths. I feel like she's been given all her opportunities because she is legitimately a sweet person....and of course beautiful, and talented (gasp!!) yea I said it....She's TALENTED...I happen to like her voice...nails on chalkboard bleating sound and all...*rolls eyes* I LOVE IT.

I will admit her performances are sometimes lackluster, but she still has star quality...she still draws me in...she is one of those people that just GOT IT...whatever IT is...she has..

I'm not opening my love for her up for debate, I don't need you to dissuade me with your opinions, or your thoughts about her lack of talent or that you think I'm crazy. I do not care, I also wont attack you if you don't like her. I just strongly dislike (i.e hate) when people who try to judge me for liking her because of their dislike or hate for her. You can keep that, because I don't give a shit who you like or why.

Unless she hurts someone I care about I probably would never fall out of love with her...(gay much?) lol...

I hope I'll meet her one day, and all I wanna do is just talk to her, like I would a best friend and hug her of course...she just looks like she smells amazing.. (lmao that was weird as hell...lemme quit while I'm ahead...although I'm not even sure if I was ever ahead)

Bye guys.

Boston

2010-09-06T21:02:00.003-04:00

I posted a status on facebook, declaring that I wanted to just disappear and start over in some far off place. One of my roomies from Australia soon after posted a link to the song below, and said listen to this... This feels like the soundtrack to my life. Since I promised to share new music, new artists with you, it kind of kills two birds...Gives you a glimpse into how Im feeling right now and allows you to experience a new artist if you've never heard of him.

Its Augustana, and the song is called Boston.

Funny enough Im planning to apply and am preparing to get into Boston University's journalism graduate school.

I love this song..Especially when the drums and stuff kick in...

Rubbed the Wrong Way

2010-09-02T08:35:00.006-04:00

I've never claimed to have haters, and don't really pay much attention to people who claim they do.

A few weeks ago I posted some pictures of myself playfully in my house, that I decided to post. I NEVER claimed them to be gorgeous photos, I also stayed far away from even trying to claim that my makeup was done right, because quite honestly I know I suck at it, which is why I practice in my home when I have the time. If anything I posted them for the simple fact of being goofy and bored, which I specifically wrote.

Now this comment underneath them, by an anonymous person rubbed me the wrong way.

The color looks too orange it doesn't match your skin tone, and girl I'm used to you taking gorgeous pics these are not gorgeous.

Why because

1) If you were someone who really liked me and was just giving unill-willed advise (made unill-willed up) then you would have left your name, and not left an anonymous comment.

2) Backhanded compliments irk my nerve, like adding that I normally take good pics is going to make saying my pictures aren't gorgeous any better.

3) I never claimed them to be gorgeous, I could see if I declared I was a bad bitch or said these are some of the best photos I ever took in my life.

4) Any sensible person can see that taking a photograph with a flash inches from your face will create a whited out effect, but in the case of my camera as I have noticed with multiple photos it comes out orange.

5) Oddly enough the issue she had with the photos,( she because only a woman would scrutinize makeup matching skin tone) is that the color didn't match my skin tone, when I had put on noooo foundation, no powder, nothing that would in essence be a mismatch for my skin, I had on blush, eyeshadow and lipstick. So are you saying my skin isn't a match for my skin tone?

6) If you are a friend of mine or someone I associate with, don't be a coward. If I like you I wont care if you dislike something of mine or me or my attitudes..Lemme know

7) If you aren't someone I associate with still don't be a coward, and learn that backhanded compliments are lame and spineless especially when coupled with anonymity. You took the time out to come on MY blog.

That is all I have to say, whoever wants to say I looked too much into this or I'm wasting my time or whatever, as much as they had their opinion of me and my pics, I'm entitled to my opinion of their opinion and no rats got hurt in the process :) so leave me be. And to come full circle you my friend whoever you are ...is a HATER *gasp* an undercover HATER at that, which is the worst kinda hater there is.

Love
Keesa *smooches*

EDIT: 1/26/2012

This was such a birdhead post lol.

After looking at this again, I really went in on a comment that in retrospect, wasn't really that bad.

Granted I made some valid points about people who are really mean anonymously, this particular person (still don't know who it is) doesn't deserve it.

OHH to be a little more grown up and honest with yourself.

Finally

2010-08-26T15:55:00.004-04:00

My mother and I are in love with this song. We used to hear it occasionally on 92.3 our fave station here in NY, but we would never catch who sang it, and I'd always forget to search.

We'd scream in the car or the house to to the part that says "AND I HEARD YOU SAY AND I HEARD YOU SAY" and act like idiots. Good moments for me and mommy..lol

Anyways I don't know why I ended up on Alicia Key's time line on twitter, but she wrote "I freaking love this song" with a link to the song. That peaked my interest to see what song she would love so much enough to tweet...and lo and behold its my mystery favorite song YIPEEEE!!!

I FREAKING LOVE THIS SHIT TOO!!!...ahh Finally I found it and will get the opportunity to download it and put in on my Ipod since I have the young lady's name... WOOP WOOOP!!

My 2nd Home

2010-08-24T21:04:00.011-04:00

I've been meaning to do this post for MTHS!!...and I let it go on and on .. I went to Australia earlier this year for 3 weeks, and it was one of the BEST experiences of my life. I am transformed because of it. If you can ever visit that country do it, talk about Beautiful!!!!!!..I am dying for the day I can return to what I now call my 2nd home.

I want to post some photos so you can drool over my experience...lol as well as just some cool artsy photos from my time there...(i could post for days)

These pics are from Melbourne, Sydney, Geelong( an hr outside of Melbourne), and the Whitsunday Islands(Islands off the NorthEast coast of Australia).

Gap Park

Walk to Arlie Beach

Sydney Harbour Bridge

In Melbourne me and two Roomies in a place called Fitzroy

Bondi Beach in Sydney

Skyline in Central Part of Melbourne

Me on one of the WhitSunday Islands (Hook Island sand is 99.9%silica)

Part of the View from the Great ocean Rd we only went from Geelong to Lorne

Hotel in the Whitsunday Islands (Adventure Island)

Night Life (Whitsunday Island)

One of our Many paths on the Mainland called Arlie Beach

Great Ocean Road

Gap Park in Sydney

The Famous Sydney Opera House

Walk outside our school in Geelong

Trams in Melbourne

Louis Vuitton Store in Melbourne

Deakin University (school I attended)

Bus From the Airport Home (Gull Bus)

My gift to Megan (my roomie)

Just fell in Love!!

2010-08-24T11:33:00.003-04:00

Good FUNKY Stevie Wonder vibes, CEE-LO never fails me...well sometimes...but most times no.

Thanks to @cakesgalora for retweeting this!!! Im sure the lyrics may be relatable to some ...and it sure made me lol.

IM IN LOVE!!!!

Jamaica to the Worl !!!

2010-08-24T09:43:00.005-04:00

I don't know if you guys already know, but I am Jamaican and I'm proud as hell of my country and any accomplishments anyone from my country makes (the entire Caribbean for that matter)....That will FOREVER be home.

I didn't catch the Miss Universe 2010 pageant last night while it aired (too busy cupcaking lol), but was greeted by my boss (she's Jamaican) telling me Jamaican Yendi Phillips (above) had come in 2nd place (1st runner up in pageant jargon).

I love that photo of her...my fave!!

I then spent my entire morning trying to research her, and look at more photos of her, she is gorgeous, makes me mad I haven't been paying attention to this pageant stuff. Although I don't care too much for the pageant stuff anyway, anything involving Jamaica on a big level always peaks my interest. I will say I am a little biased and definitely think she should have won (I went and researched Mexico as well, watched her interviews etc, just so I could give a fair assessment, my thought is that translation allows for contestants to have a lot more time to think about the answers to their questions which to me is not fair, because they have to wait for the translator to translate before proceeding)

Either way I just want to say Congratulations...and Thanks for putting Jamaica our tiny island on the map once again.

PROUD JAMAICAN for life!!

If this aint the truth

2010-08-23T11:46:00.005-04:00

Jacked from my homie Miss Assertivewit (check her out..wait is this private? maybe don't check her out).

How many "Christians" actually read the bible all the way through and try to formulate an understanding of their own?

I'm not talking just certain scriptures that are translated and given in a lesson or sermon based on someone else's understanding.

I know maybe one person who read the entire bible, and know more than a 100 Christians. Religion is a touchy subject so I don't want to get too much into this...BUT this spoke to my spirit... I would hate for the bible throwing posse to come for me.

So I go in peace.

I ♥ ♫

2010-08-23T08:59:00.005-04:00

Ever had a song grip unto your soul and just wouldnt let go?

Ever feel like the only thing you need in the world at a certain point in time is the melodies and lyrics of a good song?

This song Decode by Paramore does something to me....It's one of my all time favorite songs, third to Crazy by Gnarles Barkley and Charlene by Anthony Hamilton. Songs go down in my all time fave, when I have played them repeatedly for a minimum of 3 days straight and whenever they come on on my Ipod, TV, radio, wherever and I just CANNOT change it.

I love music period always have always will. That's why I have a tattoo of 2 hearts and musical notes tatted on my lower left side. Music is good for soooo many things

Perfect to soothe a broken heart ( I played It's Over by John legend ft Kanye West like 26 million times during my break-up with my first boyfriend, I imagined the lyrics that John Legend were singing were what my (ex) boyfriend would say to me if I kept calling and it prevented me from picking up the phone and making an ass out of myself)

Its the perfect thing to make your day of cleaning that much easier (put the radio on or your fave CD or your iPod while cleaning, and see how much fun cleaning becomes, the mop handle becomes a mic stand, you can boogie while vacuuming, folding the clothes is choreography for a hot dance)

Perfect to get you through the long 8 hr work days ( I play the radio or ipod at work for the whole day. It helps make the day go by faster and also actually makes me that much more productive)

Perfect to shorten my NY commute (put the ipod in and voila you're home)

Perfect to get any party started (that's why clubs and lounges and social gatherings do so well, can you imagine your favorite hang out spot with no music?)

Perfect for when you cant sleep ( Neon Valley Street by Janelle Monae is my lullaby, her voice is soo pure and crystal clear like glass and soothing)

I can go ooon and ooon onnn and ooon *Erykah Badu voice*

I used to say that I listen to everything, but I've noticed that the people I listen to are limited to popular and mildly popular artists, although I do listen to a range of genres. I have told myself that I want to get into some new musical artists, artists that are not as popular, or even international artists. There is so much music out there, and I know that I'll never be able to experience it all, but after taking a world music class and an intro to music course for 2 semesters of college I realized I'm not as diverse as I'd like to portray (although I listen to more shit than most of my friends, who are stuck in the R&B Hip Hop and Rap world, and who midly dabble in some Pop once in a while) I'm nowhere near that bad.

If you have any artists that you'd like to suggest throw them my way please. I'm open to anything, I just know that If there are songs by popular artists that grip unto me soo much, there has to be so much more out there that will latch on to my soul, and be useful for different situations. Until then I will try and research and do some of my own listening and experiencing. If I find anything worth posting during my venture into the unknown I'll be sure to post :-).

By the way my mom used to sing when she was younger, and I remember her always singing to me when I was younger. I LOVE my moms voice...she doesn't think I do though. She recorded a song with a recording artist in Jamaica called Prince Lincoln when she was 10 or 11 years old, she had been looking for the record for years (the man had since died and he never became extremely popular, so most music stores here in the US never even heard of him) She just recently started getting used to the internet and decided to search on YOUTUBE for the record, she found it and called me screaming and shrieking, she was so excited and I was excited for her. She's now desperate to get an actual physical copy or mp3 of it. She recorded other songs as well but hasn't had any luck finding those. :-(... It's called True Experience by Prince Lincoln, you can listen to it below if you like.I actually love the record. If you like rub a dub or slower reggae artists like Beres Hammond etc, you might like it. (She is singing the chorus and la la las)

Courtesy of Boredom

2010-08-21T20:01:00.006-04:00

This is THE MOST narcissistic, vain and downright disgusting post EVER.

Blame it on it being a Saturday, me having ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to do, my new found love of make-up, my wonderful camera and my wanting to indulge in my own face.

Enjoy, hate, laugh, snicker, whatever makes you happy...Im bored as f**k and couldn't give a shit less either way, unless you call me up and invite me somewhere.

YEA IM ON THAT WOE IS ME BULLSHIT...lemme wallow.

PS I have on clothes...I know in some it looks like i dont...but I do..

Let's get this out the way.

2010-06-28T10:26:00.004-04:00

YEA I KNOW we "beat" the CB Rihanna debacle into the ground.

Yea I know its a year later.

Yea I know I'm a (diehard) Rihanna fan.

All that aside, I have something to say, so I'mma say it.

I DO NOT HATE CHRIS BROWN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Just because I like Rihanna, well love her, does not mean I hate him, or have an issue with him. Before this I never bought his album, and I wont start now. Before this I owned all 3 of Rihanna's (now I own four)

Just like anyone else he can be forgiven, and he can do his thing, I'm not entitled to buy an album or sing his praises to prove that I like him or that I do not have a problem with him. I will never say he's ugly, because he's not. I'll never say that he cant dance, because he can and I'll never say he doesn't make good music, Because he does.

I have tons of songs in my IPOD from him, I actually have the entire Graffiti album, which I happen to like the majority of and listen to frequently.

The SHIT that gets me, and this is from both sides, mostly CB's fans though, is this.....Why if he can and should be forgiven, must you not forgive Rihanna for whatever you felt she did in that car. Why can't there be peace on both ends?

Why in order to prove CB's talent must Rihanna's "non talented Bajan whoredom ass" come up?

Get over it!!

They are both doing their thing as they should.

I only get riled up, when for instance last night CB put on an amazing Michael Jackson rendition/tribute, and my timeline is flooded with Rihanna hate.

Like really??

Can we not give him all the glory, and then shut our rass, without bringing up someone who clearly has nothing to do with what was just displayed? ( My Jamaican came out...:/ sorry)

Why is "Rihanna with her whorish ass fucked up CB's life" in my timeline or even up for discussion?

Really she fucked up his life? Or they did it together? (is his life really fucked up tho, thats another question for another day, cuz he's still richer than me...but i digress)

Let my girl LIVE!!.

I let him LIVE.

LET EM BOTH LIVE>>>DAMN

He did a phenomenal job sans the crying, I deadass laughed the entire time, not because I'm evil, but because public displays of emotion, confuse me, make me uncomfortable and my only way to stop the "uncomfortableness" is to laugh.

I want to see them both make it. I'm over it, so you crazy CB stans, as well as the Rihanna stans get over yourself. Show your discontent through money, you don't have to support anyone or anything you don't like, by not giving your hard earned cash to it.

Blatant HATE, is just frustrating and in no way good for the soul.

FIN

Lets Play the Numbers Game

2010-06-25T19:55:00.004-04:00

Seems like lately twitter is good for giving me blogging material. Today one of the people I follow made a comment about a girl having 30 bodies (meaning 30 guys she had sexual intercourse with), and the fact that it was OD aka too much, adding she must not respect herself or have any standards. He also posed the question How many bodies on average do your friends have?
Here's my thing.

WHY THE HELL DOES IT MATTER?

Ok I know ill get the answer because I want to know if she's a hoe or if she has standards, so I can know if she's worth sticking my dick in( weird since yall are known for sticking yall dicks in anything anyway but i digress)

Now here's my thing... again, how do you know for sure that the number a girl gives you is truly her number? What scientific method can you use. I'll take into account that you can check for "slackness" or if she has 3 kids by 3 different fathers you can assume she at least had 3, or if she has an STD you can assume she at least has 1 or in some cases you may have had friends who had sex with her too and you may be able to estimate based on that.

BUT!!

What if she's decent. What if she looks wholesome, practices her Kegel exercises, is very careful about staying away from friends and friends of friends and even tries to take her "HOESHIT" abroad sometimes or to other states? What if this girl racks up 100 men and you have sex with her love it ANND her and want to wife her. She however told you 6 when you asked.

What difference does her 100 make then?

See my point, why ask if you really can't tell if its the truth with 100 percent certainty? And what difference does it make? Also at what number is a girl/woman now deemed a hoe or unsexable? 10? 15? 20?

I've been asked that question a couple of times... I answered honestly ( i mean i didn't have any reason to fabricate my number but thats not the point),but thinking back why did I answer and what difference does it make. I've made a vow to not answer again. Because this is only further encouraging this stupid ass double standard that women should have a few sexual partners and men can do as they please (hence the reason why she's looked down upon after a certain number). If you don't want to talk to me because I give you the above response to the question, and assume that my evasive response is because I'm a hoe... Then so be it..you can go <----------------- that way to the left to the left playa. A better thing to do, is ask if I/she has any STD's or better yet go and get checked with me/your girl of interest. If you saw me and liked me, I'm interesting and things are going well, Why does my number matter again?? fah real fah real. FIN.

Double...Trouble

2010-06-22T20:36:00.004-04:00

I've been meaning to address this topic for the longest. But laziness and
sometimes busyness or business (whichever not sure) has not allowed. However I
went on a twitter rant today and it just felt right that I blog about it to
expand my ideas (and correct spelling errors and grammatical errors in my
tweets)

Anyway, in lew of all this chat about single black women, why we're single etc.
as well as the upsurge of tweets regarding the "issues" men have with women (coming mostly from men who don't have their shit together in more ways than one) I
couldn't help myself today...I just couldn't. Now I think I'm going to post
everything I put up in order and expand from there (hope this works) I might add
some commentary I received after...whatever..either way let's go. Just a note, I wrote each guys tweet verbatim, and then added commentary in a tweet following just in case it isn't clear

Alright so since im bored on lunch..lemme play the "it can go both ways game"...

Every girl has things she wont do or never did, but there's always 1 guy who can

break any of those trends #FACT...AND SO DO GUYS

HAD A GUY WHO SAID HE NEVER ATE THE BOX..(He ended up eating the box) soooo...neexxxttt!!!

Lots of girls screaming niggas ain't shit ain't exactly wifey material

themselves....AND SO DO GUYS (not being hubby material either but always the 1st

to call a girl out on her shortcomings)

UMM guys ask for girls with cars, and they don't drive, asking for

wholesome girls and they're not wholesome..shld i go on?..NEEXXTTT

A lot of females have breath taking looks but the attitude doesn't always

match...AND SO DO GUYS (maybe not breathtaking but cute/handsome)

Everygirl has a story to tell about the fact that cute guys do the most dirt

soooo NEXXTTTTT!

(sidenote: Every thing I have a rebuttal for is a tweet that I have read...the

one sidedness is irritating)

Girls are emotional...AND SO ARE GUYS

UMM I'm on the hunt for a male tampon...if not im inventing one sooo NEEXXTTTTT

Lemme just say this..I know girls do their share of man bashing...but in all

honesty i think we are also more aware of our faults

I have 7 more minutes to attack a sub division of the previous rant

So why is it that you can tell me you like me because i drive, i have a degree,

i work, i'm focused, i'm not a hoe, etc

And tell me you don't like girls who are hoes, who cant drive, who are bums, who

only care abt material things (etc)***?

BUT then when i tell you i dont want you because u dont work, u slept with ur

entire borough, you only graduated highschool THEN I'M PICKY??

WHAT THE FUCK....THATS THE FRICKIN DOUBLE STANDARD I CANNOT TAKE...AND U GUYS

NEED TO GET OVER YOURSELVES!!!!

Why am I picky and you guys just have "good taste"? Please answer that

question...Why cant I only want the best as well?

Ok now here's the thing..in response to 1 person who said to me

"why you talking

to hoodrat niggas tho...that's your 1st problem"

Here's the deal I don't approach them, and I can't help that they approach me
and look at me all crazy like I'm the one with a problem when he screams YO
SHORTY from the passenger side of his best friends ride in 10 chains iced out
gshock and a snaggle tooth and I keep it moving or roll my eyes. But let's set up a fictional situation when you're getting to know a guy let's say you meet him through a friend, he's well dressed and your holding a conversation (in person bcuz for instance your
bff's best friend brings a friend along he thinks you might like) he's attracted
to you, your talking and u tell him a bit about yourself ( he might even be cute
too). He tells you oh I like girls like you because your different yadda
yadda, you ask him the same questions only to find out he hasn't worked in 3
years he sells drugs, he has a kid, he didn't go to college, and he bums
rides wit your bffs boyfriend ( He masks these confessions as him "keeping it real"). Ok granted I don't have to take the convo any further or give him the time of day (but we're stuck at this
dinner/movie/outing), also most guys press the issue, they're relentless. Mind you
I'd never be this rude, but I bet you if I told him I can't or wont talk to him for 1 or
all of those reasons above he wouldn't say ok I understand I see why you
wouldn't wanna date me or I'll step my game up, he'd be pissed probably cuss me
out and or tell me he's a good dude and "yo ma why you gotta be like that" or
damn u "stuck up" or think I think I'm better than him. Delusional much??..
And in this case his bf would prolly be like "give him a chance" yadda yadda. Like
the fact that you even brought your bum friend to talk to me is another sign
that guys have all these standards for themselves and don't think about the
standards or wants of the female...but I digress

This is kinda drastic, but I just feel guys can dismiss girls easily
without the backlash of being picky mainly because they will SMASH (or just
about smash) anything!! However they won't WIFE anything.. The thing is most of us will not we won't smash or "wife" (what's the female term for wife? just curious)
just anything so we get more of it or are more inclined to the backlash mainly
because we may turn things down more often and conversely we're hoes (once
again we get all the negative connotations for the shit that guys do too) if we
do decide to "kiss" (fuck) a couple frogs before we find a prince, why is
this? I'm picky and u have "good taste"...you're the "man" and I'm the hoe.

You complain and read your girl's messages (cuz best be known guys search phones

too..they also call dudes back and confront em) you're just taking the reigns or
you care, we do it and we're CRAZY

THAT'S BULLSHIT!!!!

Guys have a harder time manning up to their faults and addressing them (civily),
its always a let's blame the girl for why it didn't work, or why she doesn't
like me or why my dick can't stay in my pants (usually the excuse is the girl
came onto him, she was willing to open her legs, SHE seduced me, SHE called me).

I just wish guys would take more responsibility for the things they say and do, as well as acknowledge their shortcomings, especially when they are sooooo quick to judge females, and set up their own list of requirements for what it is they want in a female. Find me a guy who tells you he wants a girl with a low number who also has a low number, and I show you a leprechaun and the pot of gold...I promise.

This was all over the place but I think I eventually got to where I wanted

Middle Finger Up

2010-05-15T14:41:00.005-04:00

I wanna take texting in a chokehold, squeeze it until it's gasping for air and turning black and blue. Stomp on it, cut it up into tiny bits, put it in a black GLAD (the more durable the better) garbage bag and throw it into the Hudson river weighted down with 21 bricks.

I am soo annoyed by this texting phenom that words can't even express. I am tired of numb fingers caused by guys, friends even my mother who continuously want to have texting "WARS" with me.

I am tired of going out and being asked for my BBM and not my number.

I am sick of the fact that noone can ever tell my tone, expression etc through a text message.

I am sick of writing 10 messages, then spending 10 clarifying and further explaining the 10 that I just wrote.

Texting has its pluses, but lately I cant seem to find those pluses as frequently as I would like.

There is quite a few more issues I have with texting. I am currently a big text hater....and soooooooo

I WANNA SEND A SHOUT OUT AND A BIG FUCK YOU TO THE INVENTOR OF TEXT MESSAGES.

Pensive

2010-05-07T12:48:00.004-04:00

Kees,

The crazy thing about our relationship is that I always felt the lines between friendship & something else were blurred. I have so much fun whenever we hang out & really sometimes I confuse myself with what I think we both want. It took some time, but I realize now that you are a sister to me. I felt for a while like I was starting to catch feelings for you, but that was me confused. Time away really cleared things up for me. I'm sorry for the extended absence. I still love you.

- ___

PS> How you been? Sorry to drop this all of a sudden.

I was elated at the sight of his name in my email inbox...I opened, read and then I felt happy, sad and annoyed all at the same time. Damn I really thought I was losing my friend...I was confused.. worried. Questioning the unanswered calls and requests to "hang". I'm ...........*sigh* I didn't know about this. Or did I?...I kinda knew he liked me, but I always thought I made it clear that I "preferred" our friendship. i don't think I did things to "blur" the lines. I dunno maybe I did. However I can say this I'm happy I heard from him...I love him too, not in that way...but the way you love an amazing brother. IM HAPPY HE'S BACK. Yea conclusion...Happy is the emotion i feel the most out of all the ones I expressed.

(This is a little more personal than normal)...Sorry.

.....

2010-04-27T10:47:00.001-04:00

All around the the walls are crumbling...and i'm barely able to pick up the pieces.

Breaking up is hard to DO

2010-04-15T08:46:00.004-04:00

Saw this on another blog The Life and times of Dr Brydges and it made me think (and laugh). Separation from anything is hard. Humor helps, making it your fault helps. But its just always difficult. For me even if the relationship wasn't a long one I may feel kind of weird or have major reservations about having the relationship come to an end. That relates to friendships and almost any other kind of relationship.

It just so happens that the person who I wrote the Date Night blog about read the blog. I felt terrible. I mean I know that its the internet and nothing is secret or private, but I didnt expect him to read it. But in all honesty its the truth its how I felt and granted he may be hurt by it at least its out there. I know maintaining a friendship (which i would have liked and still do) will be difficult or rather it will just be nonexistent. Who knows.
Maybe I should have just drawn a picture and mailed it to him. Maybe I should have left my thoughts in my head. Nah forget that I did what I felt was right. I do feel bad though honestly.
Well such is life <----(My favorite phrase). We weren't serious and I'll assume he'll get over it and so will I.

#Movingrightalong.

Date Night

2010-04-12T21:13:00.004-04:00

So I went on a date on Saturday. I wasn't sure if I wanted to talk about it since it didn't go that well, but I'll let you guys experience my "situation".

Now I was a bit pissed off about the whole date situation because 1. He was late, train issues, some shit about a sick passenger, but I was annoyed as all shit. But on the plus side H&M was still open and I found 2 cute jackets and a dress all for $61 on sale. I didn't come here to talk about that though. 2. He saw me he didnt give me a hug anything.After we walked for a little bit he wanted to grab my hand like a couple...I promptly pretended to find something else to do with my hands because umm excuse me 3. We were all kinds of confused trying to find the theatre and ended up having to sit in the neck cramp seats...you know the seats so close you need a neck brace after 4. He kept asking for a kiss.... like hello!!! allow me to give one to you. Also can I watch the damn movie (Key reason why movies suck for first dates because you can't talk however I obliged to the movie thing because he requested it be a lil low key (claims he was under the weather but didnt want to bail...whatever) also are we in high school where you try to cop a feel and a kiss and do everything but watch the movie in the theatre? 5. When the movie was over the vibrant personality I'm used to from phone convos and texts was just not there, there were so many awkward silences and my questions in an attempt to break it were met wit vague uninterested answers (had me thinking I'm a boring ugly bitch) smh. 6.We left the theatre at abt 12 I didn't get home until 3 why because the trains were f**ked up and I stood @ 42nd street for 1 whole hour I was pissed (another reason why I'm skeptical about dating guys from other boroughs because it's so far to meet up and I'll end up taking the long trek home by myself with no male company to ward off the pretty girl savages that lurk at night) 7. I ran into a pretty girl savage on the train who insisted on walking me home, although it wasn't his stop. Who told me he was so high that if I stared at him too long I'd prolly get high too *sigh* go get em chucky you are soooo charming. He also insisted I take his number and call him immediately so that he'd have mine. Since he walked with me all the way home to my terrified annoyance I couldn't get out of the situation and so I dialed *67718_______ and the fool didn't check his phone to my relief, he just depended on the vibrations he felt. The sucker really thought he had my # too!! Talking bout "I'll call you in a little once you're settled make sure you answer" Hahahaha Too bad, called blocked no NUMBER FOR YOUUUUUUUU!!!!. (That made me chuckle)

Anywho I'd call that a date disaster. We discussed the situation on Sunday and agreed it wasn't a great evening. We were both not too happy with how things turned out, but he did request a 2nd date to redeem himself. Still not sure if I wanna do it again though. He lives too far. I don't like pushy. I don't like outspoken texters and shy guys face to face (pushy and shy sounds like an oxymoron right?? BUT wrong). In the looks department it was iight but I knew that ( I mean I've been known to talk to guys who haven't been too aesthetically pleasing for lack of a better term). Personality and chemistry is key for me and we didn't vibe as well as we did prior.

What do you guys think? Give it another shot or let the "situation" rock.?

Sarcasmic

2010-04-11T19:56:00.009-04:00

My Media and Politics professor is the funniest man ALIVE!!!!

He gave us an assignment in class which simply was "Watch Manufacturing Consent", and somehow that wasn't simple enough. He was bombarded with questions about the assignment, like where can I watch it? etc. I mean it was really really simple. How complicated can "watch manufacturing consent" be right?...So he sends this email after...HAHA i laughed out loud soooooooo hard i nearly fell out the chair.

Hi, all,

I wanted to be sure that we were all on the same page regarding the assignment. So, I’ve put the details in question-and-answer form, here, and invite you to email me if there’s anything unclear. (Of course, you are invited to email for any other reason, as well.)

Q: What is the assignment?

A: To watch “Manufacturing Consent”?

Q: What is “Manufacturing Consent”?

A: It’s a movie. Check out the IMDB entry here: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0104810/

Q: Where can I find the movie itself?

A: Oh, there are probably hundreds of places from which you can download it – or on which you can view it. I just Googled “Manufacturing Consent video,” and got about 747,000 results. But, hey, I’ll even spare you the trouble of repeating that step, and, instead, will point you directly to the results I was shown:http://www.google.com/#hl=en&source=hp&q=manufacturing+consent+video&aq=f&aqi=&aql=&oq=&gs_rfai=&fp=bcdf8cbbf06dc4f

Q. Professor, I’m trying to decide whether to walk to class or take the train. Will it be dark by the time class ends on Tuesday?

A. Well, I’ve checked www.sunrisesunset.com for you, and, according to the people there, sunset on Tuesday will be about 7:32 pm. On the other hand, keep in mind that Manhattan’s buildings can block a lot of the sun toward the end of the day. Anything else?

Q: Professor, the weather has been really crazy lately. Will I be too warm if I wear a sweater to class on Tuesday?

A: Hmm. That’s a bit of a judgment call. According to weather.com, Tuesday will be “partly cloudy,” with an expected high of 63 and a low of 47, so I’d think – ”

Q: Excuse me, professor. I don’t mean to interrupt, but I have no idea how to understand temperature in Fahrenheit. Can you calculate Tuesday’s high and low in Celsius for me?

A: Sure. The formula is fairly straightforward: if “Tf” is the temperature in Fahrenheit, and “Tc” is the temperature in Celsius, the calculation goes like this: (Tc * 9/5) + 32 = Tf). So, if we – ”

Q: Excuse me again, professor, but that’s the calculation FROM Celsius TO Fahrenheit, and I want to know the reverse; you gave us the high and low in Fahrenheit, and I want to know what it will be in Celsius.”

A. Right. Well, the formula works in both directions, of course, but let me make it easier by changing the way I present it. (Tf – 32)*5/9 = Tc. Is that better?

Q: Yes. Thank you.

A: No problem at all. So, anyway, calculating for a high of 63 Fahrenheit and a low of 47 Fahrenheit yields us a high of about 17 Celsius, and a low of about 8 or 9 Celsius. OK?

Q: Well, yeah. But does that mean I should wear a sweater, or not?

A. I’d suggest that you dress in layers.

Feel free to write me to ask anything else!

Prof. Joshua S. Margulies

*insert sarcasm here there and every gotdamn where*

Size 4

2010-04-01T15:40:00.004-04:00

I bought a size 4 blazer!!

GO ME GO ME GO ME!!!

that's all!!...

PS i never normally fall for April Fool's jokes...I fell for one today. Something about an upgrade to the BBM, where it would have video exchange and instant chat or some shit. Super hyped up I clicked it and lo and behold a damn picture saying April Fools...DAMN!!

I survived Bootcamp

2010-03-31T07:33:00.006-04:00

"Wooo lawd!!"

*sweat drips down my face and unto the floor*

"Ahh!!!...Jesuuss!!"

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

SWIIIITTTCCHH!!!!

SHUFFLE SHUFFLE DON'T STOP!!!.

JUMP!!!!!! HIGHER HIGHER!! What are u doing? Its like this!!!!!

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

THOSE LUNGES..JUMP AND LUNGE...NOOOOO!!!! BACK LEG FIRST

SHUUFFLLEEEE!!!!!!! NO OTHER SIDE!!! GO GO GO. GO

HANDS IN THE AIR AND DOWN!!...NO HANDS STRAIGHT UP!!!!!

IN BEEEETWEEEEEEN THE RISERS!! RUUUUNNNNNN!!!!! MOVE IT MOVE IT!!!

PUSH UP ON THE TRAMPOLINE!!! NOT ON THE SIDE!!! BABY PUSHUPS?? ARE U A BABY?? LEG UP NOW!!!!

*sweat moves down my back like a skier on ice*

*breath is heavy knees and shoulders are weak*

*the sound of screaming panting people deafen me*

A snippet of my workout yesterday my body is punishing me for it today (or thanking me who knows).

Window Seat....Message takes a Back Seat

2010-03-28T18:18:00.013-04:00

To be honest I haven't really checked for Erykah Badu in years....I have Call Tyrone on my ipod love love love that song, and I loved her On and On song. I loved how ecclectic she was all afrocentric with the fro. Lately though esp after her halftime performance at some recent game I believe it was the allstar game I wasn't really checking for her.

On the other hand my twitter timeline went ablaze with GUYS who were talking about her Window Seat video. Some of the things that were said were Jay Electronica should be glad he gets to lay up under that. Damn those boy shorts sat up on that ass. "I went to 10 Badu concerts I believe Window Seat is a personal gift to me from Erykah" and yadda yadda. Now honestly after reading those tweets I wanted to see the video for her body, I once heard she had a fatty in some random convo and I honestly wanted to see (I have lesbian tendencies...lol rather I like beautiful bodies) I watched it...I wowed at her ass...and I'm like damn she sure does have a big ole ghetto booty who knew. Then she strips down to nothing and POW.. she gets shot and falls to the ground with Groupthink bleeding from her head and a little message about group think limiting our individuality.

My first thought was DAMN how come I wasn't expecting this great message from this video, even after reading quite a few tweets about the vid. Then I thought dang what's the difference between lets say a Video girl's nakedness and this BADU nakedness as I'mma call it. What made her nakedness so amazing and ok and tolerated, while a video girls nakedness is intolerable and cheap and demeaning. I got to thinking when is nakedness ok?

I happened to come across the vid by Matt and Kim that inspired Badu on the blog of a fellow blogger, and when I saw theirs I thought, dang they had a message and their nakedness and naked bodies or ass shots were limited. Now lets be a little honest with ourselves how many guys really got the message, and how many repeated the video for the message? Did Badu not realize that ass shots would limit the strength of the message? Did she leave it purposefully for the added attention she'd garner from her ass? Was every aspect of that video really put in place for the sole purpose of advancing the message?

Let me first say that I get the message...I get her as an artist stripping down to her essence and ridding herself of an ideology that permeates society where we think wholistically instead of as individuals... I get it...TRUST me I do. However Do I think that the ass shots were a ploy to garner attention...Sure the hell yes I do. Do I feel like she knew what she was doing when she left those few seconds of her ass cheeks jiggling in the video....Sure the hell yes I do....Also do I think she realized, that the ass shots would or could take away from the message? Sure the hell yes I do.

You know what though, in all those ways its genius..she grabbed everyone...she grabbed the little 15 year old boy who only wants to see a fat ass to the intellectuals, so that they can have a discussion. But lets not be so quick to think that the message was sooo deep that those who question her decisions her intentions and her methods are just people who don't get the message.

If there's anything that I learnt from the video is this...I wont think like everyone else and make an excuse for her work and her nakedness as art because it has meaning and depth with a message...or think of it any different from those video girls who sell sex, because Badu was well aware. (She knew that the nakedness although not overt would still grab attention, and boost listening, boost rhetoric and WOWZERS possibly even boost ALBUM SALES..Dang who woulda thunkit she is an artist who sings for a living afterall). Im going to think like an individual and dissect it, because its my brain and I do what I want with it.

With that said peep the vid

PS on top of the above what the hell does the video have to do with the song, we all wanna be all intellectual yet what the hell happened to videos that made sense for a song and its lyrics?

PSS Maybe all the video girls at the end of music videos shld shout "womens liberation" then they wont be called bitches and hoes.

Phatty or Fatty

2010-03-27T15:08:00.005-04:00

I've never been obese. I also would never have been called the fat girl (except for maybe around age 10 or 11, when I visited my Dad's house in Miami for 2 weeks and ate so much I got home and my mom couldn't even recognize me because I had gained so much weight) At that point however I wasn't obese but anyone would have said I could stand to lose a few pounds.

Now with that being said I was feeling really fat, not because I'm fat per say by anyone's standards. I'm 5'6 and at my heaviest I was 164 lbs. I've been on a new healthy trip why because although a lot of the times clothing can mask a lot of imperfections I just don't feel comfortable in my skin, or at least @ 164 I didn't feel comfortable. My face tends to be the 1st place that I gain weight, and having a double chin although you're not obese isn't cute @ all. The thing I hate now is when I tell people I'm trying to lose at least 15 lbs so that I can feel comfortable, and they tell me I'm fine. Really fine? None of you who think I look FINE has ever seen me naked. My gut yes GUT isn't cute. My arms look terrible in tank tops(to me) and my legs wobble and rub when I walk. All these "imperfections" can be masked by clothes, but I'm not happy with what I see when I stare in the mirror.

Now its fine that you think I look fine. I just wanna make one thing clear with whatever it is that I do in my life. I DO IT FOR ME!!!!! I DO IT TO MAKE ME FEEL GOOD. I DO IT SO THAT IM HAPPY. Because if I'm not happy how can I function. I understand the concept of being happy with what you have if you can't change it. However weight is something I can change. Eating like a savage at every chance I get is something that I can change. Having toned legs and arms and a stomach I'm not embarrassed by in a bikini is something I can change. I'm choosing to change for me. Right now I'm 153 lbs and I'm starting to feel a lot more comfortable with my body. Ideally I want to be about 140 or 145 the most. Why because that's what I feel will be my confidence size.

I have gone through severe changes lately to acquire my ideal size and although sometimes I do cheat. Chocolate is my vice I've been working really hard, for real for real this time. All other times I used to play around, but I'm really serious about the ideal me this time around. I know when I get to my ideal weight there will be those who say "OOHH YOU'RE TOO SKINNY" but again that will be shut down with. THANKS FOR YOUR IMPUT BUT I DIDN'T DO THIS FOR YOU OR A COMPLIMENT I DID THIS FOR ME AND MY CONFIDENCE, NOW SKIDDADDLE AND MIND SOMEONE ELSE'S BUSINESS."

#WhyILIkeWhiteGirls

2010-03-25T08:31:00.005-04:00

Black self hate still exists.

Yesterday on twitter, a really offensive comment was made by someone I follow to the tune of "black girls just don't do it for me". Now I mean black men can have their preferences even within black women for who they want to date. Scratch that anyone can have their preference for who they want to date, as long as the way you go about justifying the reason you like that kind for lack of a better word doesn't offend anyone. Now for some reason the comment offended me. Why because the "just don't do it for me" part rubbed me the wrong way. Why is it that they don't do it for him I knew just had to be a racist reason, YES RACIST, black self hate is still racism in my book. Anyway I tried to play coy and just respond "WHAT!!! That's so mean" and he responds No offense to you but its just been that way since I was little. Another guy responds to my response to him "why not date white girls...Heaven is white right"...and that's where I was just like this convo is over. I made the comment that I guess they wouldn't mind if we were inbred, and by some year the whole black race would be eliminated. The guy retweeted me and wrote YAYY!! These young men are college educated black men born from black mothers either through a black underbelly or black cooter. They are cool guys, but this "joke" which I later was coaxed into thinking was a joke was a very ignorant comment. I made the choice to end that there, I realized I was going to be fighting a losing battle, and I left that to its stupidity. The hardest thing to do is to talk civilly with a person who insists on being an idiot, although they oftentimes know better

By night time I realized that some other girl had gone off on them. And the battle of the sexes ensued. What stemmed from that was the above twitter trend. Some things written were " even lies can be white" "they have hair that looks good at any time" "they have pink nipples and pink pussies" "their parents are rich" "In the summer they match my white polos" and a whole host of other offensive and childish fuckery. Now I just decided to get off twitter, why because I know my race has been beaten down by others for generations and I don't need my own race to beat me into the ground, and explain to me why i shouldn't take things "so seriously". I said "I'm going to bed before I become an ABW and give you BLACK men more reason to hate my BLACK ass". Now all I have to say about all this after its said and done is this:
I'M HAPPY THAT THESE BLACK MEN MADE IT CLEAR WHY THEIR WHITE GIRLFRIENDS OR BETTER THAN THEIR MOMS.

Also any respectable white woman would turn their nose up at those comments too. And would not even give them the time of day....those are not compliments that's disrespect. That's like a white man saying I like black girls because they know how to back that ass up better than white girls. WHAAAA!!! That's all you like me for REALLLYY!!! NEEEEXXXTT!!...Just like that. Shit like the above just makes me annoyed that our society really hasn't changed. The fact that race relations...the light skin dark skin complex issues have been beaten into the ground to no RESPECTABLE avail is just saddening.

I had a side convo on BBM with one of the guys. He told me he meant no harm it was just because one of the girls called him and his friend out their name. I simply told him for every action there is a reaction and WE have to take responsibility for our actions. I still don't know how much of the madness was really JUST jokes and that's what has me almost in tears at how sad the state of affairs as black people really are.

FIN.

Pretty In Picture

2010-03-09T17:37:00.003-05:00

My sister and a couple of friends, have started on a new business venture.

They will take any picture you have and what they call "rasterize it".

Right now because it is a new venture prices to get your photos rasterized are lower than normal depending on how big you want it, and if you want the picture to be edited from color to B&W etc.

Think about it, do you have a new born, and want a nice photo put up in your apt or house?

Do you have a wedding photo that you would like enlarged and mounted in your living room?

Or are you just hella conceited and need a huge ass pic of yourself in your room to wow your friends?

Then if any of the above or the below pictures entice you, then hit me for details. You can email me at kizzie2088@gmail.com or just leave a comment etc. And they will get it done.

Little Things make me Happy

2010-03-09T15:09:00.003-05:00

I haven't been to work in 2 whole days, because I feel like a load of dog doodoo. I already have cabin fever. I swear my body tells me rest, and when I do my body tells me it's tired of being stagnant.

Anyway this post is not about that.

I got a bbm from a friend the other day saying he'd have a surprise for me on Monday, which was this Monday that just past. Now I hate pre surprises, don't hit me up telling me you have a surprise for me, because I wont stop pestering you to tell me what it is. I just rather you give me the surprise when the surprise is due. Any who after a little prodding to no avail, I gave the surprise a rest.

I kind of forgot about the surprise which is a good thing because, it would have just eaten me alive. Then I got to work one morning with a pic in a BBM. The picture was a school schedule with my friends name on the top. He told me that was the surprise. I was grinning from ear to ear!!! super dee duperty excited. You guys are probably like a school schedule as a surprise? How the hell is that a surprise?

But this guy, I've been trying to convince him for a while that going back to school would be a good thing. I would get hit with the "school isnt for me", "I get bored easily" and a other host of excuses to that effect. SO seeing this school schedule for 4 classes that started this past Monday made me very happy!!!... I told all my coworkers. What made me even more happy was the message that accompanied it. "I owe this to you". How can I not be excited about that, although I quickly shut it down and told him no you owe it to yourself, your son and your mom.

Little things in life make me happy and knowing that I can influence someone's life in a positive way is all the consolation prize that I need sometimes.

I wanna wish JO the best of luck with school, and I told him I'm here to help no matter what. I'm not writing whole papers or doing entire assignments, but in any way I can I'll help to make sure he finishes this time around!!..

My Immortal

2010-03-09T15:00:00.004-05:00

This is a song I can't seem to stop playing.

Evanescence- My Immortal

I'm so tired of being here, suppressed by all my childish fears
And if you have to leave, I wish that you would just leave
Your presence still lingers here and it won't leave me alone

These wounds won't seem to heal, this pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase

When you cried, I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream, I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have all of me

You used to captivate me by your resonating light
Now, I'm bound by the life you left behind
Your face it haunts my once pleasant dreams
Your voice it chased away all the sanity in me

These wounds won't seem to heal, this pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase

When you cried, I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream, I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have all of me

I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
But though you're still with me, I've been alone all along

When you cried, I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream, I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have all of me, me, me

"Girl You Look Good"

2010-03-04T18:06:00.002-05:00

The above phrase is not something that I use sparingly. Why? Because I feel that if I see a woman, young lady or girl who is beautiful, or who looks well dressed it's just in my nature to pass a compliment their way.

I told a girl today that she looked cute and that I loved her shoes and necklace, she was shocked, shocked that she got a compliment from a woman. Why must women tear each other down so much, with our hating asses that a compliment coming from a woman feels like such a foreign thing? I'm not talking about getting or giving compliments from or to your friends or women in your family, or coworkers. I'm talking about from random women? Why is every single woman viewed as our competition, that we must always see a girl and try to find a flaw no matter how much or insides tell us that that bitch is bad?!!.

It's something I've never been able to understand. If I see a girl who looks good I'mma say it. I'm not gay( EDIT: 1/26/2012--I might be but I digress...lol) I'm just not a hateful person. It just seems, and I've noticed that when a bad bitch walks in the club, the room etc its never a collective thing to agree she looks good amongst your friends, it always well damn her eye shadow doesn't match. WHY?? Why? Why? Why?

As women this needs to change, your worth beauty etc isn't lessened if you pass on a well deserved compliment to another person of the same gender.

Going Somewhere Slow

2010-03-03T12:29:00.004-05:00

Some days I wake up with an intense amount of optimism, like I'm so proud of my accomplishments, proud of what I've overcome, proud of the trials I've been through and how much I have made the best of what I have. I know I have far to go, I know I have a lot more to accomplish in order to be where I really want to be in life. This is where I end up feeling down some days. I have anxiety, insomnia, nervousness about my future, and I'm scared to fail.

Some days I wonder if I picked the right major, why did I drop my minor, why did I purchase this car. Why did I do this why did I do that. What will I do when I graduate in May? Will I ever land a job I really want?.. Will I ever be debt free? Will I ever have the relationship that I desire from my father? Will any one but my mother be tremendously proud of me? What will I do on this earth that will bring about change, as well as a change in me. On those days I'm nervous, frantic I start sending out resumes like a crack addict, I start trying to figure out ways that I can sell my car to save money. I do really crazy things because I get sooo nervous about my future, and unsure about myself and the decisions I've made.

Then there are those days that I remember this:
I grew up with a single mom who struggled with me for years, some days we didn't have food, some days all I would eat were dumplings and butter in Jamaica, when all we had in the fridge was flour water in the pipe and butter. I remember how she got conned into a marriage to move to America, then left for dead by the man who supposedly loved her. I remember coming here as an illegal immigrant, ridden with fear from having people find out about my life, and how I probably wouldn't be able to go to college because I didn't have the paperwork or the logistics to do so. I remember visiting my uncle, and getting a visit from my stepmother, and I remember being offered the opportunity to live with them, I jumped at it, thrust into a world unknown to me, leaving friends behind and people I loved with only half a story told, because I was too embarrassed to say I have to stay, because otherwise I have no future. I remember the day I got my green card, yet living in what I felt some days was misery, loneliness and misunderstanding, yearning for my mother's hug, a kind word. I remember how hard I worked in school hoping that I'd make it to a great college, I remember making it to the great college anticipating going there, preparing myself and then being told I couldn't go because my dad couldn't afford it, and it was best I went to a school closer to home. I remember the disappointment and how miserable I felt when I realized this sense of loneliness would not end. I remember deciding I have to go back to New York, I needed my mother, i missed my solace. I remember paying thousands of dollars in tuition by myself, not being able to get a loan because I had no cosigner,I was too young to file for independence, and supposedly my dad made too much money for aide from the FAFSA he had filled out. I remember having to take 1 or 2 classes a semester, because I couldn't afford to take a whole load. I remember cramming in the summer trying to keep up with my friends so that I'd still be able to graduate on time, but not letting anyone know how hard it was for me to do. I remember the day I finally got my NY residence after a year in NY, and finally being able to take the courses full time. I remember how I struggled going to work from 7:30 to 3:30 some semesters, waking up extra early to get to work because I needed to make it to my classes that I needed in order to graduate. I remember taking 16 credits plus a full time job, and crying when I got 3 A-s and 2 A+s, because I had worked my butt off. I remember the day I bought my car, feeling like I had finally accomplished something, bought something, I remember the day I got my promotion and the relief I felt that I'd finally be able to save some money, and help my mom out some more. I also remember the days I mismanaged money and had to get a second credit card in order to pay my tuition and get books. I remember those days that I cried because I knew I couldn't be late in paying my insurance that I got in my own name and was way too expensive by anyone's standards, but barely had the money, trying to keep up a facade that I could no longer get my self out of. I remember the day I regretted that decision. I also remember a day where I realized I needed to wake up and make priorities. I remember the day I cut up both credit cards and vowed to pay them off. I remember every single struggle I've had and where I am today. And although I haven't QUITE or even close to Quite made it. I know with all that I've remembered, and the goals that I've now set for myself, that I wont be the one going nowhere fast. I'll be the one going SOMEWHERE granted it may be a slow process.

Men Irritate Me, but make me laugh all at the same time

2010-03-01T13:51:00.004-05:00

I needed somewhere to vent

Last night on Twitter I went in on a few guys that I have been "talking" to. I have been single for a few months now (loooong story...that possibly will never be told), and I've been trying to get back in the dating game, as well as I've been digging up the numbers I buried somewhere in my phone as my backup plan.

Now the digging up #s part is an exaggeration, because I mean there are guys who just seem to KNOW when I'm single, and they are the ones I call lurkers, they're always lurking, then put some real effort when my facebook status changes etc.

Now lets start with guy #1. I happened to know him through church. "know" is an exaggeration as, I just used to see him at church, we never spoke a word of English to each other ever, but one day I get a BBm from his sister who happened to find me on facebook, befriend me, then added me on bbm, I had posted my pin on there I believe. Anyways she starts small talking (I had actually spoken to her a few times at church, so I wasn't too annoyed by her randomness). Anywho she starts talking to me telling me about her life then slowly transitions into the fact that her brother asked about me. Now I'm like brother, who? She goes oh the one with the braids "___" Im like who ?( also hopin the grown ass hee haws man, doesnt STILLL have braids) She said don't you remember he used to so and so, and I'm like oooo thats his name (because mind you I had never been introduced etc so this all came as a surprise) She then asked if its ok for her to give him my bbm pin, I obliged, since I remember him being somewhat of a cutie, and a new person wouldn't be such a bad idea. So no less that 10 mins later he adds me. Long story short 2 and a half weeks later we are still BBming, no requests for my # to actually speak to me, no request for a date NOTHING!!! Like hello how lame are you. Mind you he bbms me all day long, checkin in up and out about my life and still NOTHING!! Im about to delete him from BBM my fingers are tired, and this is when technology irritates me, Deleting him means that he'll be gone forever, since he doesn't have a # to ask any questions after. (hmmm that will probably be done today)

Now guy #2 This dude has been lurking for 5 years... I repeat 5 whole freaking years. Now I finally give him a chance to actually hang out this weekend and the boy just gave me every freaking excuse in the book, as well as tried to blow off my annoyance with the fact that he said he wanted to see me but didnt make any real effort, and then went ahead and did something else. Like hello Im the excuse giver here, when since YOU give ME excuses? (I'm kidding) Anywho, I'd be damned if I say imma do anything with him again. I know his lurking ass will be back, guaranteed.

Now guy# 3 This is the guy that I call my bestie, the sweetest funniest most interesting person ever, but who I am just not even remotely physically attracted to (edited 3/3/10--Please dont think I'm shallow I realize i may come across that way, but be honest ladies, ever just wasn't interested in a man, in that way?...ok then you understand). He sends me this email this morning

I need your advice. I think I like this girl & I think this girl likes me. I want to ask her to take me seriously, but I don't know if it's a good move because I don't wanna risk her not reciprocating those feelings. Sometimes I'm like, f-it, just do it. But then I wonder how badly things would change in the way we interact daily if I did & she chose not to pursue it. Understand?

My response:
Well on what level do you know this girl, is she a friend or someone you see in passing occasionally? (Mind you I know he's talking about me but im playing dumb)

His response:
I dnt know if it matters. But she's a friend. I mean, I think we're at that level lol. I guess that's the only reason I'm putting so much thought into it. Normally I dnt think I'd stress it this much. People are so strange because the same case does not apply for everyone. While someone might appreciate a direct approach, others might not be so willing to deal w/ confrontation. You ever been in a sit. like that?

My response:
This whole situation is a little too obvious, and lol… Anyways I feel that the best bet is to see if she’s given you any real reasons to feel that you guys could take it to another level. Otherwise most times that kinda thing brings about and causes awkward situations and you know if you appreciate the friendship and don’t want to turn her away from wanting to hang out then I suggest you continue to lay your feelings low for a lil while. And honestly I don’t think I’ve really been in that situation, where the person is my friend, however I have been in a situation where I wanted to talk to a random guy that I didn’t really know too much, it worked out for me but that’s just to answer ur question.

His response:
You're right. I haven't received any real reason from her indicating she wanted anything. I'll keep it real simple & get rid of that idea altogether. Maybe she's just as nice to everyone else & I'm misinterpreting things. Thanks for the advice! W/ev lol. I just asked her if we could talk. So we're eating lunch 2gether(this part confused me i think he put this in to throw me off ). She seemed pretty cool about it, but I do feel really awkward about it now bc honestly I've never really given her any indication either. So I'm wondering if the reason she never gave me any reason to pursue anything is bc she feels the same way I do. Maybe she's having a crazy convo w/ her friend who wrks in medical billing (this made it real obvious and confirmed my previous idea, i work in medical billing) also lol. I'll keep u posted.

Lmao o boy, why must men do this to themselves?

I wanna go on and on about a couple more but I'm hungry.
Im still looking for Mr Right. But for now Mr Money or Mr Louboutin (or Steve Madden..lol thats what I can afford hehe) will do...

On a serious note though, I want to get rid of every lurker, and start fresh, I can’t deal. Guys just irritate me.

MY LOVE

2010-03-01T12:58:00.008-05:00

I've been gone for a minute but now I'm back with the JUMPOFF!!!

LOL. anyways Im in love love love love love love with this song right now!!! makes me wanna go to the Disco and put on a shiny dress and dance my heart out until i pass out... Kiss boys show my underwear and be bad!!...uugh

You Dont Have To Hate

2009-11-24T17:45:00.001-05:00

You know I have a revelation. Its not technically a revelation but in some ways it is. Now when I use the term hate I don't mean it in the typical niggrish way of using the term where people think that as long as I dislike something even If its with reason then I'm a hater. I'm talking in a way (the real definition of the term) where people are just vile and hateful for no specific reason, just throwing insults with no backitive(no reasoning/intention and or respectful opinion) Ex. So and so is a ho slut bitch who dick rides so and so and so. Why is this person a ho slut bitch? Because they just are, their voice annoys me.

Now it has occured to me that these kinds of people possibly just love to do this and be this way quite possibly hating of this kind is a disease of which there is no cure. Anyone that you hate enough/dislike enough to trigger this kind of emotion specifically celebrities and or your peers can be ignored. But what I realize with these kinds of people is that they go seeking information to hate on. For example, why would you go on a fansite for a person for whom u hate? Or why would you ask about or go on a facebook page of a peer who you hate? For no other reason but to hate. Because its highly unlikely that anything this person does and or says whatever the motive whether good or bad will affect any change of heart within you so why even do it to yourself?

This kind of thing baffles me...last I check most mediums had off buttons...and or x's for which you can use to close anything you dislike, so why even go there to begin with and let's play pretend that it pops up for instance like on the radio, why not use the options u have which is either power, volume or scan turn it down turn it off or change the channel and even still if u forgot to do that, why get on a computer which you turned on, log onto a site and take the time to write something? I know we have freedom of speech, but that still doesn't make what you do or say logical.

I guess I say all that to say this HATING is a choice and for all u conservatives out there PRO choice is the way to go on this one. Choose to not hate because u do have options and quite frankly in my opinion unless that person did something detrimental to you and or people you care about then HATE shouldn't be a part of your options. I know everyone has tastes and varying opinions about what makes them tingle which is fine, but in a nutshell keep the negativity to yourself. NOBODY CARES it makes you look stupid and often times ignorant as hell.

Successful "Regular" People > Celebrity

2009-11-20T14:39:00.007-05:00

I have become such an addict to gossip blogs. However initially it was just entertainment, now its becoming somewhat of a way of life, because a day doesn't go by that I don't visit at least 5, necolebitchie, theybf, bossip, Sandrarose, and Mediatakeout are like my daily vitamin.

It's a little unfortunate, when anything becomes an obsession and I've gradually been trying to reduce my "vitamin" intake. Why? because I've found some truly amazing people who are so much more interesting. And to top it off they are "regular". Regular in the sense that they aren't extremely famous and extremely wealthy, but way more than regular in the sense that they are very successful individuals (in their own right(and in my opinion)), whom I believe have alot to offer whether its in motivation, relationships, getting your life on track etc.

Come to think of it im way more fascinated by their lives than I am by celebrities, because their lives seem more attainable and quite frankly more authentic. I'm moving in the regular direction, because I feel their lives offer so much more to me, than any celebrity. Now dont get me wrong I still love me some rihanna and will continue to check Rihannadaily regularly...lol (dont judge me) like i told a co-worker I'm convinced it's the small island thing, where you cant imagine that someone from somewhere relatively unknown to most of the world would make it so big and still come across relatable (again in my opinion).

Anyways this post isn't about Rihanna its about the regular people and just to name a few we have Belle (abelleinbk.com) is a true gem to women, more specifically black women. I know I know you don't know her but whenever she writes she speaks truth and wisdom, a friend on mine put me on to her like a year ago, I kinda fell off but I'm back on. Nackedwithsockson.com (don't really know his name) and Quaadir (www.youtube.com/Timaya) I subscribe to his youtube, he is a 20 year old gay man, and while his flamboyancy can be distracting, he speaks the truth and always sends a positive message.

As I've noticed alot of people saying lately, that with the advent of the internet and more specifically blogs, and twitter celebrities are losing their lure. By that I mean their ability to lure me in, their lives dont fascinate me anymore, It seems like a sham, more like they sold their souls for a couple hot cars some riches to flaunt, but deep down they're empty and i'm no longer impressed or intrigued to become one. I used to guzzle the koolaid, now im kinda sipping and eventually, as with in regular life i wanna give up the juice and move on to water, plain and better for me anyways.

DON'T PLAY CHESS WITH ME

2009-10-22T10:50:00.005-04:00

I'm a little upset.

My SO continues to take me for an idiot. Last night I was in a deep conversation with a best friend, where we were discussing aspects of our friendship that bothered us and how we can go about fixing these things. During moments when she was in her deepest thoughts and expressing herself I received beeps by the end of a 10 minute span I had 5 missed calls from him

Now i didn't want to click over and interrupt her, because she was mid thought and i figured if I just wait until I'm done call him back and explain the situation then he would understand, seeing that he knew the circumstances surrounding why me and my bf would be having this kind of convo in the first place.

By the time I got off the phone it was late... and I called anyway, he was asleep of course so I sent him this bbm.

Me:
I figure u fell asleep
I'm really soRry
Had a looooooooong convo wit (blank)
We have a better understanding of situations
But we had reached our boiling pt
When I called u we had disconnected, so I had wanted to call you befor we continued the convo bcuz I knew I possibly wouldn't have heard from u for the rest of the night..she called back mid convo wit u

I wake up I get no response, but I see that he had read it. I know he is not up at the time I'm reading it, so i figure I'd hit him up later, work overwhelms me and eventually i get a response with a single dot like this---> .

I know now that he sends this to get a response either by saying that I haven't hit him up, he's still upset whatever, so I call and ask why is it that I get a single dot, what's his beef and or problem, and why is it expected that I should hit him up first, what kind of games is he playing.(all of these didn't come one after the other but rather after other dumb responses and mocking laughter in my ear) Some of his responses are things like the reason why I think he is playing a game is because I'm playing one and just expecting him to play one and he is getting irate that I would even suggest that there is an issue with a single dot. I told him you know let me call you back when I'm in a better mood, but I felt bothered and sent him this afterward.

Anyone's natural reaction to a response where they are apologetic is to say something...the fact that you sed absolutely nothing is you trying to make a point...either by sayin ur still upset or whatever...the fact that you put a single dot further solidifies that... noone sends someone a dot in a text message unless they are trying to get someones attention abt an issue without actually sayin something...I kno u think I'm not street smart...but I wasn't born yesterday and I am NOT an idiot...so don't pull that o u play chess so u think I play chess card...its old...because u know ur just as involved in the "game" as I am...u 2 do things to get reactions and evoke certain feelings...so don't try to bamboozle me...u know EXACTLY what the hell yóure doing and why and if its not spontaneous and without thought 100 percent of the time then its FLIIPPIN CHESS .

FiN...

Am I wrong? Did i overdo it?

(when i'm mad i spell shit wrong miss words etc...sorry)

Draw Your Own Conclusion

2009-10-01T20:22:00.001-04:00

I just saw a mother with three kids sitting with her boyfriend husband (whatever) I didn't see a ring but I'll give it the benefit of the doubt. All the kids look like him so imma also assume that they are all his. The fact that the man and woman are with the kids together on the train is a major plus. However that's the extent of my "niceness"....I know this is none of my concern but I couldn't help but shake my head.
The kids are tackily dressed the mother is tacky and so is the father...The kids are not well behaved...they look like they could use a lil scrubbing and a lil bit of food..overall just not a good look...

Then guess what???....she stands up and she has a belly poking out!!!!!...smh!!!...that's all I have to say draw your own conclusions of what ran through my braincells because I promised myself to not exhibit too much negativity and calling the family tacky was enough negativity for this post... ;-)

Pardon my naiveté

2009-09-30T20:41:00.000-04:00

WARNING: this is a topic that's a lil risque (I think)

Well well well unknown to me was that there are variations to vaginas...that some vaginas are very different from others...not like the outside, color shape etc...but the inside..

Pity the fool who knows nothing...because I was that fool...it has come to my knowledge not because I went feeling around someone elses vagina but rather I just got word that vaginas feel different...like mushiness and gushiness is different... Pardon my naivete...but where have I been...

I thought the way a girl "worked" it gave her that edge...but in actuality some girls pussies have more "poweress" over others...hmm is that so... I was told that there are girls who could just lay there and it will be semi good...while others have to back it flip it and reverse it to get the same effect...WORD!!!!!....lol...well fellas who have had a variety of coochies is that sooo?.... what makes sex wack or extra good for u?...because my thought was that the girl was just not getting into it for it to be bad....or doing THE MOST for it to be good....so then I guess based on this theory a girl with less pussy power (girl A (as ill call it)putting in the excessive amount of work compared to a girl with great pussy(girl B) putting in the same level of work would = girl B > Girl A??? HMM

Get ya mathematics up!!!...lol just a thought

Some Days....

2009-09-30T14:26:00.004-04:00

Some Days I wanna be a singer..not a popular singer just having the ability to hit a killer note.
Some Days I wanna be on TV, I just wanna rip some TV Host job from them, cuz they suck so bad and i know i'd prolly be better
Some Days I just wanna sleep, lay in bed all day. Sleep is becoming a very difficult task, like D-I-F-F-I-C-U-L-T...
Some Days I want my own place, not to fuck or be wild or do anything crazy, just for some silence and peace.
Some Days I wish life wasn't so hard, and dreams were more easily attainable.
Some Days I wish I was popular (these days are few and far in between)
Some Days I wanna be single.
Some Days I question our existence, question life, question God, i just sit and think and question.
Some Days I question people's motivations, like whats your drive.
However some days I exist, and am at peace with my existence, but damn how I wish there were more of those days.

EDIT: I dont know I'm in a sad mood hence this blog.....I hate it but imma keep it...**shrugs**

If this is not the cutest thing i ever seen

2009-09-25T23:34:00.004-04:00

Seriously though they make me wanna go to chuuuccchhhhhh!!!!...

So talented and so not "how u doin" (wendy williams voice) I damn near shed a tear!!!!

Let's Backtrack

2009-09-25T19:51:00.002-04:00

OK so its been a while since I have really sat down and written a blog.

This summer was asswipe doodoo cakes..AKA (shat) unlike any other summer i didn't go anywhere and i barely did anything...Even the drinking was kept to a minimum.

The rain and all that jazz kind of killed my summer...I did manage to go to six flags twice and Dorney Park like 3 times...but other than that doodoo cakes..

I joined twitter, which quite frankly is basically brain noise, most times funny and sometimes controversial...I like twitter but i need a break i found myself waking up reading tweets ignoring my bf reading tweets, not working and reading tweets in class reading tweets on the toilet reading tweets...basically running my life into a nonsocial hole reading tweets, so i've decided to give twitter and all the "brain outbursts" a break.

Let me just say that i started school, its cool, teachers are cool just a lot of work, but what more can i expect from my senior year though?...EXAAAACTLY ( wendy williams voice) i plan on going to Australia this winter i started all the preparations for that so that should be interesting, shit way more than interesting, prolly the best freaking thing ill ever experience next to 3 orgasms in one sex session...lol...

(omg i started thinking about all the things i would have to update u guys on and i made myself exhausted)... so imma end here...lol.. i have something juicy i need to talk about though...Something i discovered or found out that i need a few more opinions on...

TATA FOLKS...live easy, breathe easy!!

Blame it on the Summer

2009-08-14T10:49:00.002-04:00

I know i keep saying I'm gonna come back strong...

Well I lie, lied and dont wanna keep lying.

When it gets cold and there is nothing to do...I'll be back...

That's me being honest!!!....TATA

(BTW I guess noone missed me...cricket cricket)

Random Questions and Thoughts

2009-07-31T13:13:00.003-04:00

-This blog must be like hey where you been. Did anyone miss me?

-I wonder how much colleges make off kids who drop classes too late and get 75%,50% and 25% refunds? (i dropped a class this summer and got 50% back)

-What's with all the new pericings? I saw a girl at Dorney park with her whole back peirced. I walked down Pelham and saw about 12 teenagers with cheek lip eyebrow and random facial parts peirced..Cant get the trend.

-What's up with giving out sandwiches for employee appreciation? Should be glad I'm even appreciated right?

-What's up with all this rain in the NYC? God tryna wash out all the ugliness??

-What's up with acting Hollywood when your broke and live in New York?

-What's up with me not having vacation plans this summer?...uugh i really wish i could go somewhere...i would have gone to Vegas free but I'm an idiot.

-What's up with toenails chipping 2 days after you get a pedicure?..Shout out to Madambee

-What's up with me riding the twitter train after bashing it so much?...lol FOLLOW ME twitter.com/anika_candice

-What's up with me working out like almost everyday for 2 months and still dablling in the same five lbs..lose 2 gain 2 lose 3 gain 1...uugh...weight loss is hard

-What's up with this year??...

-Last but not least whats up with me neglecting my blogging duties?...I'll be back healthy and strong!!!....I really love this thing!!

BET GETS A F FOR FOOLISH...FOOLYWANGERY..AND FAIL

2009-06-29T08:59:00.006-04:00

I am so dissappointed with BET and the BET awards....

I dont want to hear that it is because they had 3 days...That covers the tribute aspect...

The production sucked....who ran the audio....who worked the censors....who prepped the artists prior to getting on stage to act decent (which no one SHOULD have to).

I am thoroughly dissappointed with BLACK folk...and a commenter on the YBF.com summed up my feelings overall...

"BET has really managed to outdo itself again!! BET pimped Michael’s name out for RATINGS, touting that they would pay tribute to him! Jamie Foxx was an ABSOLUTE EMBARRASSMENT and a DISGRACE! Why is it that he can exercise so much restraint and professionalism when he’s getting a check from White America (i.e., he didn’t dare use such vulgarity when he hosted the ESPN ESPY awards!) There is truly a new breed of NEGROS among us! They are uneducated, self-destructed and will do anything for MONEY and to promote their individual interest/agendas. SD was right, this was the time and place to tell the world who Michael was, what he meant to us, and how his legacy would live forever. Unfortunately, BET chose to squander this opportunity. MJ tribute was reduced down to cheap billboard advertising, distasteful plugs, and half-hearted, unctuous 4 liners such as, “We love you MJ.” I truly believe BET never intended on honoring Michael. I dare not pose the question, “What did we learn about Michael Jackson’s legacy from watching this minstrel show?” Absolutely nothing, other than black people can’t do a darn thing right! What could we have learned from this show about Michael’s legacy? Perhaps the following:

1. Broke racial barriers in the music industry by becoming the first AA to have a video played on MTV
2. World’s Most Successful Solo Recording Artist — record sales exceeding 750 million units & counting
3. Worldwide humanitarian efforts exceed $50 million
4. Fought against racism and prejudices against black artists.
5. Donated ALL EARNINGS, $1.5 million, from the Pepsi Commerical to a Children’s Burn Center.
6. Named the “World Music Award’s Best-Selling Pop Male Artist of the Millennium”
7. Received the “American Music Award’s Artist of the Century Award.”
8. Holds the Guinness World Record
1. “Most Successful Entertainer of All Times”
2. “Youngest Vocalist to top the US charts”
3. “Highest paid entertainer of all times”
9. One of the few artists to have been inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame twice.
10. Donated part of “Victory Tour” earnings to United Negro College Fund, Camp Good Times, & T.J. Martell-Foundation

The list goes on and on! However, BET obviously didn’t deem these accomplishments note worthy.
I can’t believe some of the musical selections that were performed. For the most part the lyrics were raunchy, degrading, vulgar, and offensive. Again, I dare say, “Have we as black people loss our minds?” Do we not know when to be OFFENDED or ASHAMED anymore? BET needs to be boycotted! It only perpetuates stereotypes and magnifies the WORST of the worst in the black community! It doesn’t offer anything of INTELLECTUAL value, let alone celebrate African American accomplishments….oh, I forgot, according to BET blacks don’t want to see anything that actually stimulates our minds, right???

This was a SIN and a SHAME! An utter mockery! A tribute befitting a fool! Michael was our very BEST, in spite of how people tried to ridicule and berate him. It’s a sad day when we cannot put together two decent sentences to say about a trailblazer; one of our very own who has help opened doors that would have otherwise remained closed. It saddens me to see that we could not assemble with pride and dignity and respectfully celebrate, honor, and uplift our absolute best (correction…THE WORLD’S BEST who happens to be ours). Michael Jackson has reached heights that none of today’s so-called artists will EVER reach and he did so without ever once denigrating us by referring to us as the N-word, B’s, Ho’s, M’fers, etc. or by pimping a sister out - for that we should have exalted him. The WORLD was watching and BET disgraced us miserably! Michael’s so-called tribute turned out to be nothing but an AFTER-THOUGHT if a thought at all! I believe with all of my heart that the so-called tribute was a ploy to boost ratings! Everyone at BET who was involved with this unorganized farce should receive walking papers! I totally agree with Nicholas; we should start a petition to demand that BET apologize, not only to us, but also more importantly, to the Jackson family. My heart truly aches for Michael! After being torn down so badly by the major news outlets and mocked by his own people, it is my fervent prayer that he is at peace. Shame on BET and shame on Black America if we don’t express our disdain for the actions of BET and performers such as Jamie Foxx and Lil Wayne"

Thank you BLACKand PROUD...you are dead on...BTW MTV has done a better job of a good depiction of black folk and family values with RUN's House than BET ever has. SMH

RIP Micheal Jackson...You were a true class act....

IT's the F***KING PRINCIPLE!!!

2009-06-24T11:39:00.002-04:00

I havent written in a minute...but this irked my last freaking nerve so much i had to write...

Went to the store this morning bought a Parfait....Put the Parfait in the main refrigerator that about 5 departments share @ 8'oclock....Come back at 11 with my Parfait on my mind and check the refirgerator door where i placed it...and drum roll please!!!!....NO FUCKING PARFAIT!!!!!!!!....

I search the entire refrigerator...flinging peoples shit everywhere because I'm pissed....even check the freezer to see if some sick bastard put it there and nothing....and yes folks i search the garbage to see if someone threw it out...and NOPE no parfait!!!!....

Now I work with grown ass adults...all are above 23 years old...some as old as 70 in the other departments, with kids and families...and obviously a job and obviously some income....so why eat my damn parfait you greedy nasty demented bastard...

Ok you're saying its just a parfait!!..Well its the principle ...if you didnt buy it why touch it??....you dont know where I got it from, the parfait had no label neither did the bag...i could have made it myself....and peed and not washed my hands...I could have spit in it for spite...how nasty and sick are you?...

Anyways...I put a note on the door in bold MAGNUM sharpie font on 8X11" paper. "WHOEVER ATE MY PARFAIT IN THE REFRIGERATOR DOOR I HOPE YOU CHOKE"....Then i thought i might get in trouble so i switched it to "I HOPE IT WAS GOOD (instead of CHOKE).

Shame on you Ms Tyra

2009-05-13T21:14:00.003-04:00

Now I hope you took the time to watch just a bit of that...

I am not going to get into the details as it is quite obvious from even 2 minutes of this what this is about...

And I was once one of those girls...I will go ahead and be politically incorrect and say i was the nappy headed one...embarrassed of my naps and glad the day I got a perm

I would try to tell anyone who listened that i was half coolie (coolie means indian or of indian descent in Jamaica) and that why my hair wasn't as nappy and longer than most kids.

Now thank God I grew up and had some sense and quite honestly while I'm not going natural....(yet)... and have a perm i've come to the realization that "good hair" does not equate length and straightness, but how you take care of it...cuz lord knows I seen some white people with bad hair...stringy and way too bleached and pressed and flatironed till their ends screaming for help!!!!...and I would take some nappy hair over that any day!!!...

Now my biggest issue with this video (some may say unfortunately) is why the hell Tyra felt the need outa all the shows she ever had to braid her hair back, like she don't wear a wig/ weave damn near everyday of her life. As if for this day she is exempt from being a part of this mind set. How can she condemn the mothers when she wear all kinds of Indian Asian Pacifica weaves?

I mean come on Tyra!!!!....You and others like you in main stream media are who these parents and children look up to and see with the long flowing fake hair and think it's beautiful and you are partially to blame when they come up with this jaded mindset...now i didn't see the whole show and I am not sure if she discussed this aspect of it...

But!!!....The braids were not a good look just because, its not YOU...this is not what you do on a regular basis, it would have been nice if she wore the fake hair and explained to the children truthfully why she wears fake hair and why the mindset is wrong..Therefore if she did not discuss why she wears weaves or where this whole "good hair", "bad hair" thing comes from, then her whole attempt to "school" the children (and parents) was an epic FAIL, because she wasn't being "herself"!!! ( the braids could be mistaken for realness people don't be fooled) but I'm sorry you get a NO NO NO for this one Tyra... I love you but try again

Dependency

2009-05-08T09:07:00.000-04:00

I think a lot of times especially females when they claim independence, they generally speak of financial independence, the ability to not need a man to take care of her or her child, or her and her bills, or her and her meal, you go to school, or have a job you have it going on…yadda yadda

Then there is emotional dependency, the ability to not need or be dependent on a man to take care of her and her heart, or her and her thoughts and emotions and her and her cooch ....yea I said it...(among other things)

What happens when this independent woman, meets a man that she likes and is interested in him where’s the line, and when does independence of any kind become and asset or becomes overbearing for the male and eventually the “relationship”

I've come to the realization that I need to be a hell of a lot more emotional independent, I have the financial independence thing on lock, I do almost everything financially possible on this earth by myself.... Anyways as far as emotional independence I need help, I tend to not be able to handle personal situations on my own, and it's always best when I have someone to talk things over with, as well as I’m always desirable of the male in my life at the time's company, while you don’t have to buy my drink at the club you can sit and talk to me and hear me out (and not get bothered by it)....it’s a weird concept...

I'm eager to gather a lot more emotional dependency, because it can be read as clingy to some, although I'm a little far from clingy just because I'm so busy, but if I wasn’t so busy I'd want MR. SO's attention and time alot more than I do now..

I just wonder which one is most important and which kind of independence do guys value when they say they want an independent woman how much is too much and how little is too little...

A Little of Something

2009-05-07T08:19:00.004-04:00

So

I have been busy...busy with life and school...at lot has happened school wise and socially..and once the pressure of the final weeks are gone...I'm sure i will have plenty to say...

Until then im tryin to knock out 3 papers and a Website I have to create from scratch for my Web Production class.

I'm supposed to be going away for Mr. SO's graduation next week and I'm trying to get everything done before then...I plan on staying at work tomorrow night till all hours until at least one of my papers is done...I can't do school work at home...It's something I've come to realize and really wish i could get over. I'm way more productive when I am somewhere else especially in this office, so i will grab a cup of joe (bwak!!!)...or a redbull...and rat a tat tat on these keyboards...

I have a lot to do this saturday too, in preparation of mother's day, his graduation, as well as something else that I'm very excited about....I won't sing on it until it comes through...But pray for me...you might not know what to pray about but just say "Please help Ms. Chocolate Kiss with whatever she needs help with Thank You Jesus"....I'd appreciate it...

Thats my update( not much of an update)...and Goodbye for now...

I may do a mothers day post for my wonderful mom, but we gonna be everywhere and anywhere that day so I may not have the time...

Lone Soldier

2009-04-24T10:40:00.000-04:00

"I lay alone awake at night
Sorrow fills my eyes
But I'm not strong enough to cry
Despite of my disguise
I'm left with no shoulder
But everybody wants to lean on me
I guess I'm their soldier
Well, who's gonna be mine

Who's there to save the hero
When she's left all alone
And she's crying out for help
Who's there to save the hero"
--Beyonce

This basically sums up how i feel at least this week.
Why isn't anyone understanding how i feel and why is no one reaching out to me after I have expressed how I feel.
Whenever anyone around me is going through something at least if you mean something to me I reach out to them and I'm their support, I may not always agree but i try to be supportive.
I feel with what I've gone through this week no one is reaching out to me....I have to in a sense beg them to listen or hear me out, even my best friend while she listens and gives great advice, most times, unlike me she can never sense when something is wrong...Most times.
I know everyone is busy and have their own lives, but i tend to put things aside to be supportive of those who mean something to me..
I guess no one else shares the same sentiment.

Whatever...maybe im extra sensitive and thats why i feel this way....but i feel alone
I do wanna still say that this does not take away from the fact that i still have good friends, although maybe ya'll can be a lil selfish and self absorbed.

Life

2009-04-23T19:47:00.000-04:00

I've had a really crazy week...I won't discuss further as it is extremely personal.

Anyways I thought this was was clever.

"Life is all about ass. You're either covering it, laughing it off, kicking it, kissing it, busting it or trying to get a piece of it."

I'm sick AGAIN!!!

2009-04-21T08:53:00.003-04:00

I guess the whole use and format and purpose of this blog has changed...

It will now chronicle the many times I get sick, just so I have the proof in writing and saved somehwere to tell my DR to kiss my ass...and stop robbing my insurance company...and taking my $20 copay....

So yea im sick again..hacking up a storm and sneezing....i got a sore throat on wednesday, thats when i knew it was back....the peice of shit cold that makes me miserable is back....

When did i last write about being sick?...like early March?....I want to see how long this thing lasts...until tell...tell me Salud!!...Bless you!!...Whatever wherever you are!!...cuz most likely when you said it I would have sneezed!!!....

Smh!!

Why can't we just be Friends?..Please...Pretty Please??

2009-04-10T09:49:00.004-04:00

The idea that guys and girls cannot be friends, if one party is attracted in some way shape or form is starting to annoy the crap out of me.
I have met so many guys whom I have had no romantic interest in, but who would make great friends and who quite honestly I was hesitant to cut off but had to because the guy or guys had trouble not crossing the well drawn line that I created.

I thought i could make the impossible possible, but unfortunately I wasnt created with the "GOD" gene...dammit...

Rules:
Do not call me baby,honey, sugah...no sweety sweety names
Do not try to hold hands, holding hands is for couples
Do not keep holding too tightly if I give you a hug
Do not talk about your penis, and or how well you can lick it and or fuck and or whatever you do in the bedroom
Do not ask me if I miss you...( I never know what to say....its cause for a REAL awkward situation)
DO not invite me to your house !!!!...I WILL NOT GO!!!!
And last and most important when I tell you from the jump I just want to be friends do not I repeat do not think that it will miraculously change if you do and say all the above and more.

Hella frustrating, well I'm forced to cut another one because unfortunately he just doesnt get it...Amazing friend material...boyfriend material...well not so much!!!

Dont Drink and Drive...Dont Drink and Talk

2009-04-06T08:27:00.003-04:00

If I was to just say I had an interesting weekend it would be an understatement. I decided after weeks of depression and a social standstill that I had to break this boring spell. I decided to drive out to Temple to visit my best friend with one of my high school friends that is on Spring Break. We weren’t too sure what we were going to do once we got there, but we had thrown a few things in the air like just simply going to a restaurant, going to a party or going to a hookah bar.

Now I had no desire to go to a party, actually I’ve come to realize that I don’t enjoy parties too much so I only torture myself like 3 or 4 times a year. Anyways I was like HOOKAH what? ....I honestly didn’t know what a hookah bar or a hookah or any of that was. Anyways it was explained that it’s like liquid tobacco smoked through this contraption thingy as imma call it. I have never smoked in my life, not weed, not cigarettes not anything…(don’t gimmie that screwed up face and mumble “I thought you said you were Jamaican”)..I’ll repeat I never smoked anything in my life.

Anyways my best friend’s roommate wanted to drink before we went and she got a bottle, I took a couple shots, everyone else drank a little and we left to go to this place, now the hookah experience was interesting smoking that thing gave me a mellow calm feeling that I kinda liked and we had gotten a apple flavored one that tasted really good we also had some Persian food too, which might I add was the best freaking white rice I ever tasted, it was like extra long grain and really buttery…I tried hummus too not my cup of tea but I can’t say I didn’t try … Anyways what happened when we got back home is even more interesting.

Anyways, prior to leaving we were told by my best friend as a disclaimer that her roommate cannot hold her liquor, we got back and this chick heads straight for the Ciroc and took a couple more shots and she decided to take what she calls a “power nap”, anyways she gets up...by this time a couple guys came over including my best friends boyfriend and they started up a game of spades. Her roommate wakes up and becomes a babbling fool obviously still inebriated, while everyone at this time is sober, since no one else drank anything since we left for the bar. She starts talking a lot of crazy ish, including but not limited to her sex life, my best friend having a baby with her ex, which is not true but extra bothersome since her current boyfriend is in the room, she talks about how being gay gives you cancer and how in Jamaica we stone gays, mind you a gay guy is in the room and they are very good friends, she talks about how all white girls are sluts and like to sleep with guys thinking that they are gonna marry them, we were all trying to persuade her to go to her bed because she was embarrassing herself and or being extremely offensive, with personal attacks and extremely bothersome remarks.

I thank God I am not a babbling drunk, but more of a giggly sexual drunk…lol…she didn’t remember anything by morning and was very apologetic once we told her about her mouth running 90 miles per hour and all the stuff she said, the gay guy was also very cool about the whole thing and said it was ok…that he knows he doesn’t have cancer because he checked…lol…on the other hand my best friends boyfriend was very upset about the whole situation from the personal attack on his attire to the baby comment and the fact that my bf wasn’t more adamant about her going to bed and shutting up…IMO he’s being unreasonable (had to throw that in there) Anyways I write all this to say,

DRINK AND BE QUIET!!!!

HATE BREEDS HATE...SELF HATE OR OTHER

2009-03-23T20:30:00.004-04:00

The idea for this blog came from another blog i just read...

I've had self esteem issues, since i was a young'n, partly because alot of my adolescent life was spent without my mother, she was away here in the states and i was back home...I lived with an aunt who wasn't really my aunt but my mom's close friend...(jamaicans call anyone whose really close to any parental unit aunty)....She had 2 children a boy and a girl, and since i was the outsider i felt like lil Ms Cinderalla at times the outcast, alone and teased. The names would never end...i was specifically teased for having a BIG head I was told my head was bigger than my body...what the hell does that mean?...but whatever...big lip girl, all types of nonsense, and HATE....

Now all this HATE did was have me hate myself, not others but me...i hated my lips...i hated my body i hated ME....there was no mommy to hug me and make me all better and tell me I'm beautiful...Maybe that's where i feel i have some resentment...but that's another topic.

I remember walking around sucking in my bottom lip so they wouldn't look as big....masking almost any body part i felt wasn't worthy of someones love or worthy of a kind word.

Moving here didn't make it better...people aren't aware of others feelings and what others have gone through and i remember the term DSL (Dick Sucking Lips) being used alot in my highschool...I lacked self confidence...I lacked love of self....I was and am still sometimes always weary of people's opinion of me, because thats the type of environment I'm used to...I admire a big girl with self confidence and i admire people who can dress tacky and miss matched and rock it like its the best thing ever, because they have confidence...I admire confidence because i lack it..As I've stated in my Here's to Hair blog the only thing i remember really loving was my hair...and the fact that I was smart...My happiness honeslty lied in the A's i brought home...

This is by no means a way to have anyone feel sorry for me...I'm growing out of that..its a process...I'm learning to love me...learning to love what God gave me...it's just a testimony to say that HATE BREEDS HATE..be careful of how you treat others...It's unfortunate but if those people at Virginia Tech had treated that guy better and throughout his lifetime had treated him better...There would be more than a dozen more people still here on earth...we feel better when we glamorize ourselves by belittling others...Even with my personal story Im guilty of it...and i felt the need to write about it and from here on out follow the old saying if you have nothing good to say say nothing at all...

I'm Bored!!!

2009-03-22T18:52:00.009-04:00

I am at home bored as hell....

I haven't given you guys any photobooth pics....

I've taken quite a few since i got this thing, but just haven't had the time to post

I've been lazy....

But since I been bored...shoot...its bout to be 4 posts in 2 days....

I'll just show some photos I've taken in the past month with this thing...nothing real interesting....they are all just my face...

Little Girls Need Guidance

2009-03-22T14:24:00.003-04:00

I meant to write about this for a while.
I was having a conversation with a someone about her daughter who has been pestering since she was 12 to get a belly button ring...and since 13 to get a tattoo...she is now 15.
The mom says that she has been pestered continuously with excuses like "my friends have it...so why can't I" or she does alot of research to show her mom the cleanest places that these things can be done etc.
Now I'm a firm believer in age limits for certain things...and no 12 year old NEED a tattoo or NEED a belly button ring...
Any requests for any of the above is a sign that said child wants to be a fast ass...meaning they tryna get some extra looks from the boys.
I remember asking my mom for another ear piercing at about 13...which she obliged
My reasoning for wanting one was obviously also along the lines of tryna be cool etc.
All my other requests were denied, and quite frankly I'm glad my mom was firm about not letting me have any other markings and piercings.
Not having any of said things did not decrease my chances of a guy liking me...and quite frankly I'm forced to think that by me not having them guys actually at that age kind of respected me more or didn't give a rats ass either way.
So my idea that getting those things would make me cooler with both guys and gals was tainted

Back to this young lady...her view is tainted, as was mine....
I told her mom to have her ask 10 of her male friends if by her getting a tattoo or a piercing, if they would deem her more of girlfriend material...you may find my request to the mom a little weird, but seriously does having any of these things change the likelihood of her getting more looks(in the good direction)?...which is obviously what she is seeking?....I'm forced to say NO...
And while her mom seems bitter and evil now for saying NO, she will as i have come to realize that, that is the best thing.

Little girls need guidance, especially our little black girls...their views of whats important are all jacked up...its sad and unfortunate and I can say this now looking at life in perspective...there may be no direct correlation, but honestly almost all the girls in my high school class with multiple tattoos, multiple piercings etc or a mix of both are either pregnant , or not in college...or are just messed up period...

IT IS NOT CUTE TO BE A FAST ASS....ITS JUST NOT!!!!...SERIOUSLY

Thank Ya Recession!!!

2009-03-21T19:34:00.004-04:00

I told you i would write when I'm in a better mood!!!!....it was kinda quick but still...like capleton said..."dey cant keep a good ooman dooowwnn always keep on smilin when they want me to frown!!!"...or is it sizzla?...anyways

I just got a $400 leather jacket for $142.00!!!!!

The recession does have its pluses after all...The store is closing...everything must go....

And while it prolly sucks for the owner....its great for me!!!!!!....

BTW if you know me you know I refuse to pay full price for anything..I'm always down for a sale...there are always ways around spending alot of money...(well lemme rephrase i refuse to pay full price for material goods..that excludes food etc...even tuition i don't pay full price for...lol)..

Almost everything that both me and my bestfriend buy that's exactly the same I paid less for...call me the coupon queen...Ms cheap...whatever... but times is hard....

If you live in NY close to Yonkers and like leather for any reason...

I can tell you the spot.

This may just help the owner out...lol!!!...

HEX!!!

2009-03-21T17:12:00.003-04:00

I feel like someone put a HEX on me...

to make me as miserable as possible...

Like they don't want me to prosper...

She doing fine...got alot going for her....happy as hell...well lemme try to make her life as miserable as possible...from the restless nights to the crippling migraines..t0 the stunted social life...to the way the relationship with my mom is going....i feel like all sorts of shit...

i want sleep...i want to not be tired...I want ME back...

so whoever you are that put a HEX on me!!!!...SERIOUSLY FUCK YOU SON..FUCK YOU!!!!!!

(xcuse my french...im just miserable...until im in a better mood i will not write another blog...i promise...)

on a side note: i think i need to take my butt back to church...Jesus been callin...and i keep giving him the dial tone...SMH

Restless

2009-03-16T06:55:00.002-04:00

For the past couple of nights...I feel like i been fighting...fighting in my sleep...I know Friday night I had a dream that me and my estranged cousin were fighting...I woke up in pain in the exact same spots that he hit me...I havent been sleeping well at all...I dont know what it is...This morning i woke up with blood in a couple fingernails but no marks on me...i dunno man...weird as hell...My back hurts i can't look down at my feet without feeling extreme pain...I'm stressed and tired....I have absolutely nothing uplifting to write about so I'm out.

ACHOO!!!...BLESS YOU!!

2009-03-07T01:20:00.002-05:00

I heard BLESS YOU like 50 times today...No exaggeration!!...Thats cuz i have the sniffles...AGAIN!!!...For the past 2 and a half years i have been catching a "cold" pretty frequently...And I have gone to the Dr and all they keep telling me is that "OH it's sesonal, just take these and you'll be ok"...Normally i dont go to the Dr for a cold, but lately I obviously feel that it's something way bigger than just the common cold, since I'm ALWAYS sick...Right now i cant even breathe through my nose, my mouth is wide open ready to catch the flies..lol..But seriously...I just sneezed like 3 times right now while typing this...

I have a theory, prior to me working at my current location, i hardly ever got sick, actually the only time i ever went to the Dr was for my required shots and just a check up/ check in. I just feel its the fact that I'm breathing recycled air all day in that office building with the carpet and the fact that the temperature in the building is so unstable it goes from freezing in the morning to sauna in the afternoon. Also when i started the job 2 and a half yrs ago I took the flu shot...I KNOW I KNOW they say you dont catch the flu from the flu shot but aint it just too coincidental?...I really had to think about it today like you know what this has got to
be it...Basically I'm tired of the sniffles, and I'm tired of the Dr telling me that it's seasonal, I really cant take this. My whole body aches and I look a hot steaming mess...I tend to just cant keep it together when I'm sick...(I'm up now because I'm assuming the Nyquil wore off and i couldnt breathe anymore)...I want my mommy!!!...She usually rub me dowm with alcohol and then put some VICKS on me...ooo mommy...I'm bout to text her now...and beg her to come home!!!

Bored in Web Production!!

2009-03-04T20:00:00.011-05:00

This class doesn't end until 9:40...I'm tired and cranky..and right now the teacher's showing us a whole bunch of art I care nothing about don't get me wrong i LOVE art but some things i just cant get why its even art...splash some paint...VOILA....$1000.00...o please!!!...I thought we were supposed to be learning HTML..o wells it's his class and he do whatever he wants but when evaluation time come I dont wanna hear nothing when I blast him for not staying on topic with the class...starting late and ending late!! (class started at 7, its 8:14 and he hasn't started the lesson then he wonders why he never has time to go over everything)

Anyways I wanted to share something...I swear my friends from Jamaica have no life!!...jk..but they always sending me some funny ish!...I saved the best for last!!!

WOOSSAAA!!!!

2009-03-02T16:56:00.000-05:00

If I really was to really express how I feel it would be accompanied with a slew of f-words and a-words and s-words and a couple of the Jamaican ones to boot...like the p-word, r-word and a couple b-words!!!!....

I wanna just throw ma phone in the F-word garbage...so that the F-word red light can stop f-word blinking!!!!!!!!!!

I wanna be calm before I even begin to try to verbalize how I'm feeling... Figured I'd write before I do something irrational..this is my therapy so while you may not give 2 cahoots about what it is I'm pissed about I needed to press a few buttons on this thing before I pressed the wrong buttons somewhere else...

Can I Share a Joke Wit Ya??

2009-03-01T12:23:00.006-05:00

A man died and went to heaven. As he stood in front of
St. Peter at the Pearly Gates, he saw a huge wall of clocks behind him..

He asked, 'What are all those clocks?'

St. Peter answered, 'Those are Lie-Clocks.
Everyone on Earth has a Lie-Clock.

Every time you lie the hands on your clock will move.'

'Oh,' said the man, 'whose clock is that?'

'That's Mother Teresa's. The hands have never moved, indicating
that she never told a lie.'

'Incredible,' said the man. 'And whose clock is that one?'

St. Peter responded, 'That's Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands have moved twice, telling us that Abe told only two lies in his entire life.'

'Where's President Bush's clock?' asked the man.

'Bush's clock is in Jesus' office.

He's using it as a ceiling fan.

From an email i received this morning...bwahaahaa

Motto to Live By

2009-02-27T13:22:00.000-05:00

I was listening to Pandora, this is where I expand my musical horizons (most times it’s when I get tired of the same songs on my IPod) since they generate music based of some pretty narrow preferences. I have gotten most of my now favorite songs from here, songs I wouldn’t normally have heard or even bothered to listen to.

A song by Sara Bareilles called Red came on(I love this chick by the way). Some lyrics from the song stuck out.

“You cannot change what you do not own”

How profound is that simple statement. Take that and run with it how you will. I have several reasons why I think that is such a great line, specifically when it comes to people, you OWN no actions and reactions but your OWN. Trying to change someone else’s actions and reactions will put you in a world of trouble. (I mean actions and reactions in the broadest sense possible).

???....CONFUSED....????

2009-02-26T19:03:00.002-05:00

I was just on the 6 train going home...and this white man who looks like he works on Wall Street dressed in his suit and briefcase is reading the New York Post...There is an article on page 3 with a picture of Donald Trump and and an article with Michelle Obama on page 4...

I'm tryna sneak a peak at the Michelle Obama article as I'm on the sneak, he begins to rip out the image of Donald Trump's head from the newspaper....He takes the ripped image of Trump, looks at it then places it over Michelle Obama's face...he looks like he's scrutinizing it..he then places the head on her crotch area...looks and smirks then places the image below the hem of her skirt, moves it around and positions it differently smirking while moving it around different parts of her body....Oblivious to the people around him...

This black lady sees my face and she has this confused look like me...like WTF????....Damn I dunno I really dunno....I'm confused as hell.....HELP!!!!!!! I can't even come up with a logical reason for that ish....SMH

Maybe it's Me!

2009-02-24T17:13:00.002-05:00

Me and Mr SO got into it last night...we argued for like 5 hrs from the phone to bbm to the phone to bbm we stopped arguing circa 1 am this morning...after I told him I was going to sleep I had work in the am....and I couldn't plead innocent in a case he had already found me guilty and closed....

I wasted way too much energy arguing energy I would have much rather wasted on sex or the gym or something..

This arguement reemerged from an argument last saturday...LAST SATURDAY people...He came over I was on aim prior so I closed the conversation later on he sat down to use the computer... The person imed me back mid his use and I told him to close it...well bad idea he read it and while it was nothing incriminating to me he claimed I was flirting...ooo lawd...we wasted like an hour then fighting...over someone who quite honestly folks is and was really just my friend....sidenote: ( based on the circumstances of the "relationship" what the hell is he getting mad for anyway)...either way he went to visit a friend last night got to talking and his friend insisted that I had something to hide and was sneaky...hence the long drawn out argument last night...he insisted on asking me a shit load of questions of which I would have liked if I could have gotten an A and 3 credits for school

Ok so fastforward to today circa 3:30 pm...I take my phone out my bag I see a missed call and the icon that I had a bbm message...looked it was him who called...went to the bbm he wrote
" so you didn't hit me up all day and now u not gonna pick up the phone???....
PING PING PING....
"Hello"
PING PING PING PING....(Pings are these alert things in bbm that make ur phone vibrate)...

Ok so I respond " First off...I told u I was letting u be...therefore that was my indication that I was gonna wait until YOU wanted to speak to ME"
" 2nd I am at work....and my phone is on silent..."
"My assumption since u didn't respond to me....was that you were still upset and need ur space...therefore I gave it to you...." ( I was the last person to text at 1 am)....

Was I wrong??...anyways.... A couple mins later I call when management was gone.. he doesn't answer... So I wrote
" I'm sorry I didn't get the memo that we were gonna act like 5 years old today...I just called you"....
I know sarcasm's never good when someone is upset but oh well its obvious he's tryna ignore me since he's mad I didn't answer before...he later responds
" I'm doing something can't talk"...
While he may very well be doing something I doubt it...

Anyways I wanna see how this thing plays out.....the fight was really intense based off bullshit...and right now I'm mad I even entertained the argument.....that shit is the least of my worries...hyped up by some friend who don't know shit or me!!!!...last time I checked MR. SO was my escape from the typical boyfriend girlfriend clingy invading privacy jealous bullshit....

Delete

2009-02-23T12:24:00.002-05:00

I deleted my last post because after listening to it a few more times....I just sounded really obnoxious...

And on top of that it came out real dark!!!...

Either way...I'll try to do another one some other time ( a video that is)...

Later...I may have the authorities breathing down my neck in a couple sec @ work..

My New Addiction

2009-02-22T03:03:00.005-05:00

Hey guys!!!!!!

I bought a MacBook today....I LOVE this thing!!!! Always wanted one, they were a tad steep....but blame it on the "return of the taxes"....I finally made the plunge!!!!....And no buyers remorse (yet!!!)...With that being said, like anything that"s new you never want to put it down....and right now i can feel the bags forming under my eyes and i still wont press SHUT DOWN!!!! WOO LAWD!!!....i would add a pic or even a video, but thats where i feel a tad lazy....but expect some in the near future....Alright alright....IM OUT!!!!!

MUAH!!!!!!!

Successful Freestyle--2nd Hand!!!

2009-02-19T20:05:00.004-05:00

He's my really good friend...And Im just showing what he does some love!!!
So LISTEN!!!!!!!!...OR ELSE!!!...

(I just realized that i really love dots, excalamt!on points and CAPS!!!!....It's kinda really how i speak in real life...i just might need to cut it out)

MOB!!!...Damn I hate that phrase!!!

2009-02-19T12:50:00.002-05:00

All i have to say is all the guys (and girls) go check this blog out...

http://www.jdotofresh.blogspot.com/

I know plenty (plenty is so Jamaican) of you already read this blog...and if you haven't you need to!!!...

Guys are fronters...any guy who repeats this phrase, tattoos it on them, makes it their away message...you need to stop, because you are continually lying to yourself!!! and lying is a sin!!!...punishable by a very very hot place!!

Liar Liar Pants on Fire!!!!

2009-02-18T15:58:00.004-05:00

The most irritating thing to me is when people say "I dont care what people think" or "I dont care what people think about me".....That is the the biggest freaking lie anyone can ever tell!!!...

You do frickin care!!!! YOU DO!!!!!!....And the people who claim to not care about what others think or say the most are usually the ones who actually care the most...

First off you have to care what people think in this world no matter who you are!!!...Point BLANK PERIOD!!!!....

If there is someone out there who can justify those statements completly... 100% i swear I'll strip for the rest of my life and give you all the money i make...

Just merely putting on clothes is an indication that you care what people think....just something as trivial as that

If you apply for a job you care what people think
shit you have to care what the person who is hiring you thinks

If you go to school or even college...you care what people think and while the reasons may vary either a) you care what your future employer will think of your degree...b) You care what others think of your education c) you care what your family thinks...and this list goes on...

Lets get down to less important things...
All the girls and guys who I see write shit like i dont care what the haters think...
who you fooling???....Yea you do...or you wouldn't be concerned about having to declare that you dont care!!!
You still wear your long fake nails....Buy your shit load of expensive clothes, put in your weave, etc etc....in an effort to prove a hater wrong...or give them nothing to say...so you do care...

Now maybe it boils down to whose imput you care about now that's a different story..so please all you liars out their start pointing people out...and say BITCH!!!!! I DONT CARE WHAT (INPUT NAME HERE) THINKS!!!!!!.....The generalization just irks me...and makes you look stupid!!!!...cuz its always some uneducated or ignorant or think he/she all that person who says that shit!!!

(i care what you think, shit i write a blog and if you dont like it i do care...just not enough to.... you know CARE!!!...LOL!!!) JK!!

Random Random Random!!..Blah Blah Blah

2009-02-17T16:40:00.002-05:00

I'm bored waiting for class to start...
I left my purse at home...so technically right now I'm a nobody!!...No ID No Money No credit cards No Nothing...
I feel like a fish out of water and I'm hungry!!!...
I should read this book that I have here...but nothing he's writing about interests me!!

I went to work this morning and due to the long weekend my flowers almost died...I rescued them!!!

Someone asked me about tattoos today... asked me if I would put his name on me jokingly...(well it had to be jokingly cuz otherwise he deserves to be in the mad house)...
Either way I kept thinking i definately wouldn't tattoo any names on me not even my own...Like why do i need a label, like a content in the supermarket...Or maybe its just to help the deaf people...who knows..either way i haven't encountered too many deaf people in my life.

I watched the cartoon with 50 cent making fun out of the whole Chris Brown/ Rihanna situation, I thought it was crass...and not funny at all...50's a clown...a rich clown...but a clown none the less.Damn it makes me mad seeing ignant ass people with a shit load a money...like God what did they do to deserve it in their lifetime??...

Anyways my best friend just called me with a dillemma..sorry to cut this random short...TATA

Fashion is Fickle...Friendship is always in Style!!!!!

2009-02-16T17:30:00.006-05:00

Not many people out there can be called GENUINE....I've been lucky to encounter 2 of the world's most genuine females out there....No backstabbing and hating...and typical girl mess...Nothing but love and encouragement..the truth...confidence boosters..girls with confidence...girls with class and grace...AMBITION, MOTIVATION, BEAUTY!!!...shit and to top it off girls who would never let me walk out the house looking a hot ass mess just so they could clown me later..lol!!!..girls who believe that who you roll with is a reflection of yourself...

Kari!!!...

I love you!!!!!!....

You keep me in check...keep me humble...keep me positive...

When we old and gray in our nursing homes...we still gonna laugh and chat it up...

Damn maybe throw back a few shots!!!

Eat our pizza and be easy!!!!...lol

The girl who loves a blondie from APPLEBEES...( and will make a late night trip anytime to feed her cravings)

My heartbreaks were your heartbreaks...

You were the sane voice..the consoling voice...the one that spoke only the truth and shook me up...but made me live it up!!!

I'm just thankful...nothing can replace the countless crazy ass moments...dating back to the days on the track!!!...(woo boy the days when we was slim and trim and no haffi go a gym!!)

Making me laugh till my cheeks hurt...our moments of "real" talk...

Even in the moments where the friendship seemed most fragile...

You were nothing but a great friend

I appreciate yooo ASS!!!...lol..cuz sometimes i know you dont feel it...

So lets poor a cup....drink get drunk and keekee it up!!!!

Chevie!!!!

All i have to say is...

I see you up the block!!!!!..jk

The type of girl who tell it like it is

Who always seem to know when im bored so she can hit me up outa nowhere and invite me to a party...

Who would gimmie the last cup of juice in the fridge...

And the last piece of chicken in the pot...

Who is the definition of "notstingy"!!!!

Who is always ready for a trip to Six flags or some other park...

Who always tryna hook a sista up wit some guy....(no more of that though..MR SO is here)

Who will cut me off so i don't spit bullshit..."and waste her time"....cuz the truth is the truth and it aint gonna change...

The girl who swear she Jamaican...lol!!!...Girl you Antiguan...quit trying!!!...(your officially invited to be a part of the nationality..shit you earned it!!)

I dont think we ever ever got in an argument...not even once!!!!

Who know how to have a good time... and always have a funny YOUTUBE video to show me!!!

Our moments though not as frequent as we would like is still appreciated and still loved...

I love both of you guys....I'M BLESSED!!!!

AWWW!!!!

2009-02-13T15:44:00.006-05:00

Ok Valentines Day is a day i usually dont care enough about...
My last decent Valentines Day was in 10th grade...Me and my best friend and our boyfriends got together and the guys cooked and we chilled and they brought out some presents...not bad...never forgot how we had to hide the stuff to get in our houses...lol...oooo high school!!!...shit i was on lock down...

Every other year after that...i never really enjoyed the day because i was in a long distance relationship or broken up.

Anyways this year...I didnt expect much....Honestly...
Well my co-worker tells me that i have a delivery up front...
I'm like well i usually dont get deliveries here unless its supplies...
I go and its a vase with roses....

I think that was a really really sweet gesture on Mr.SO's part...and he definately gets plenty of points for this one.... He has a little note that basically says he gives a kiss with each petal...(shit thats alot of kisses)...

He had to go a little out his way to learn the address of my job because I for sure never even told him where I worked except that I do Medical Billing for a Hospital.

I'm blushing...and i cant stop smiling...and honestly i do feel special...I DO!!!!....AHHH so now take a peek and allow me to wallow and soak up my excitement!!!!!!!! ( a certain someone would say I'm a "hypebeast"...lol if the cap fits wear it...(and i'm rocking that shit...like its the spring Louis line)

EDIT:: My co-worker is fresh as hell!!!!....LMFAO...She said damn he really tryna rack up some PUSSY POINTS!!!!!...excuse the raunchiness.....but that was funny as hell...

Just 1 thing I like to see...and 1 I DON'T!!!

2009-02-13T11:12:00.003-05:00

I like to see a father and their child just by themselves...no mother, just daddy and child...With all the single moms out their...It's great to see a stand up father. An added bonus is when they are playing and doing ridiculously goofy stuff that would otherwise be "unmanly"...

Ok now to the thing that i DON'T like to see
I hate to see a big fat parent...with a big fat child!!!....
I dunno...it just bothers me...
Added loser points if the big fat child has a big fat greasy sandwich and a huge bottle of YOOHOO!!!!....
I mean its ok if you are fine with living an unhealthy lifestyle, but to submerse your child in your unhealthy lifestyle...is just WRONG...

Imma kick it old school (and Jamaican)...
hoo nuh like it bite it...seriously...
This is my opinion!!!

Here's to Hair!!!!!

2009-02-08T18:08:00.010-05:00

The one thing i absolutely love about me is my hair!!!...

I complain about everything else...

My mom always tried tirelessly when i was a child to maintain my hair...

My hair has broken quite a few combs in its lifetime....but i lived with it...

I've also had the times when because of lack of care it was just a bumbling mess of split ends and coarseness..

Lately i have made it my priority to take care of my hair...

I wash and condition at least 1ce a week (i try)!!!..

I rarely ever flat iron my hair...almost like 10 times a year...

I dont use a brush too much either, I read somewhere thats its bad for your hair..

I do get lazy sometimes but I try to wrap my hair and maintain my scalp...

People tend to forget their scalp...but a healthy scalp = healthy hair!!!!

I clip my ends everytime I get a perm...which is like evry 6 wks..(i've tried waiting longer but my hair grows really quickly and then it's just hell to manage and maintain when the roots are "nappy")

I never wear weaves...although i do want to try a really long flowy one...but for now i'll pass.. However, i dont knock weaves

I dont care too much about length, its really not that important...i just love thickness!!!!! (lol sounds like this could represent something else too)...(dirty mind)...anyways and thick my hair is... Girls tend to care too much about length, but a head full of long stringy hair is wack to me!!!...Shiny and healthy looking hair is the shit ( long or short)....

10 Reasons Why I Don't Want Children (Now)

2009-02-06T23:44:00.004-05:00

1) They scream
2) They scream in public
3) When they scream..they sometimes kick and roll around on the floor
4) They learn the word "gimmie" too quickly
5) Prisons are already crowded and if i kill him/her when they start screaming they gonna have to find space for me
6) They like stuff off the floor more than stuff off a plate
7) They have uncontrollable bowel movements
8) Nothing they eat really stays inside..
9) Baby showers and the oos and ahhs only last 1 day...the child lasts a lifetime
10) I need at least 6 more years of sanity.

Experiencing Reality

2009-02-03T03:10:00.005-05:00

I don't remmeber exactly what date and time I saw the 1st white person, but I was about 7 or 8 they were these missionaries who came to visit our church in Jamaica...Before then I had only seen white people on TV...I was one of the fortunate ones...I had cable..at least we kinda stole it..but we had it..

I had sense enough to know they existed and I remember always wanting to meet one...Ill never forget the sheer joy I felt after I met those white people... It was a man and two women...I thought they were so "cool"...almost like a surreal experience... we as kids, we wanted to touch their hair and ask them to talk...I remember them being from like Iowa or something so their accents were soo different...and any time they spoke I giggled...( they giggled when we spoke too)

I also remember watching shows on TV where people had dogs in their homes...That was so weird to me because I had never met anyone who kept a dog inside their house they were either guard dogs or stray dogs...And i used to wonder why would they even touch dogs, much less have them lick their faces...(this memory distinctly goes along with a scene from the movie Sandlot)...This sounds really cruel but as a kid me and my friends stoned dogs and chased them...dogs didnt have any other names but dog... and the first time i saw a dog in a home it was just WEIRD!!!...

I also remember my first experience with snow, a chimney, a fireplace, a playground, weather colder 60 degrees...none of those things existed in my reality as a kid...I remember my first taste of grapes, strawberries, even an apple...those were all things i tasted way way way into my childhood like 10 or 11.

I'm only discussing this after a hefty discussion about experiencing realities stemming from Plato's Allegory of the Cave in my myths and images class... Like when did you realize the realities of something that only existed in a book or a story or a television show. Or even when did you realize that something you thought was real wasn't....For like 8 years of my life i thought light skinned people were white... you couldnt convince me they were black...lol..i was silly...(well in that sense at least)...

Foolish??

2009-02-02T14:43:00.002-05:00

Ashanti's song Foolish has been stuck in my head all day...
I don't like Ashanti that much...
I know i didn't hear it anywhere...but i been singing unconsciously all day long...
Fatal Mistake...remember him..yea he been on the membrane....
And i guess im subconsciously telling myself something with that song....or the powers that be are trying to say something....

The Unexpected

2009-02-02T13:58:00.000-05:00

I was reading this book The Design of Future Things and this quote stuck out like a sore thumb...

We know 2 things sbout unexpected events:first, they always happen and second, when they occur, they are always unexpected....

Hmm...aint that the truth...If only we could know when to expect the unexpected or if only they just didnt happen at all...but then again...expecting and knowing everything is BORING....

Say You Will Freestyle

2009-01-30T15:28:00.001-05:00

God grant me the Sanity

2009-01-29T07:22:00.001-05:00

This semester seems like its gonna be an extremely draining one....I tried to strategize my schedule so I had Fridays free and in doing so I have classes until 9:40 for 2 days...meaning I don't get home until 11....meaning less sleep...and extremely longer days (17 hour days to be exact)

I am completly immersed it my major this semester....5 media classes...2 production and 3 analytical...and based on the syllabuses (edit: i knew this word sounded wrong...its actually syllabis...its like nucleus and nuclei...had to check myself) ....I guess I won't have a life....the reading load is bizzarre...and let's just say I'll live in Hunter College's computer labs if I ever want to even scrape an A in the production classes....that means giving up my Saturdays for some extra lab time since half the software we use cost upwards of $400..which I obviously can't afford at home....

I can't begin to express how difficult it is to do full time school and full time work...try it....responsible behavior becomes key...but many before me have done it...and so will I...just grant me the SANITY.....

Workout Plan

2009-01-25T12:46:00.000-05:00

One and two and three and four and get them situps right and tuck your tummy tight...

Kanye's blasting in my ear and a image of Rihanna is in my head (if you don't know by now I love Rihanna....I don't know if its the charisma the Caribbean thing...the fashion...her swag...but I love her)as I run on the treadmill... as corny as it sounds she's my motivation to get ma ass in the gym everyday.....

I been doing well since the new year I have gone consistently for the past 3 wks...and while moms are known for boosting egos she asked me if I lost any weight,because i looked like i did...gushing I told her I lost 3lbs....hey a lb a week aint bad.....I've signed up with this program called Activtrax....it generates workouts for you including cardio resistance and abs based on your needs if you want to tone, define, strengthen, bulk up etc....I just wanna tone and define.... Summa time is for my batty ridahs....jk...anyways each time you do a workout u enter the reps etc and then it generates the next....its like a personal trainer except without the trainer....

While I almost have the gym thing on lock....the eating thing not so much I eat like a horse....but I'm tryin to cut back on breakfast...I've ommited bagles and croissants and such... for cereal and fruit....that I've gotten a handle on...lunch and dinner well that's a differnt story....I do the subway thing but then I get it with 2 cookies and chips....smh...at least its a 6 inch right???....the 1 good thing I can say is I've stopped the eating after 8...

I just hope I can keep it up with school starting next wk... and hopefully my habits will only get better....I'm known to start a regimen but consistency is key and I kinda lack that...but this is the year of self improvement....and I'm dedicated to doing just that...it wasn't my resolution....it was my solution....

Rambling…

2009-01-20T10:04:00.000-05:00

I haven’t had the urges to write…I guess I just been lazy…Also my blogging partner has neglected his duties…

Today is the Day that Barack Obama is sworn in as the President of the United States of America…I’m stuck at work, trying to hear as much and catch as much as I possibly can from the radio I’m allowed to listen to at work…What a Life!!!...Anyways I’m just sooo excited, I bought the paper this morning and I stashed it away in my drawer along with the entire Nov 3-7th week I already have, when I was done reading. I’m just soo optimistic about life, not just because of Barack Obama but just in general.

Anyways I had a minor fender bender yesterday on my back from Buffalo...yea I drove 6 hrs all by myself the guy who was to accompany me 2/3rds of the way ended up having an emergency and left with another kid and I was stuck having to drive myself home…I stopped twice once to do #1 and then to get gas…it took me 6 hrs exactly…I vow to never to that drive again…that’s torture in a metal container…Anyways right as I got off the 87 and pressed my brakes I slid into an SUV…The snow was no joke…Thank God he didn’t have any damages to his car…I wasn’t speeding… and no one peeped me on the cell phone…damn crackberry!!!….my car has a few scrapes and a minor dent…something ill prolly fix next never…

My co-worker just told me she watching the Inauguration live on CNN.com…Pray I don’t get caught…therefore this blog will be shorter than I anticipated…Later!!!

I just had to share....

2009-01-12T10:18:00.001-05:00

Courtesy of my best friend....lol...she told me to discuss an i didnt...so she put me on blast and this on fb...

You know we in a recession when..
Yesterday at 3:51pm

ok keesa you played when i told you to put this on your blog u didnt so see i gotta write it myself cus sumtin needs to be said...you kno we in a recession when....

you walk outta apple bees in the bx and a jamaican says "taxi" pointin to his mercedez truck..( are we payin car notes wit taxi money now?) ps..shout out to the Jamaicans we kno how to survive in hard times nuh tru?..haha

when you walk into red lobster in the bx (again..keesa got me in the ghetto lol) & a women a puerto rican this time who has no affiliation wit red lobsters is offering you to buy some of her roses out of a mix juice jug..( had to go jamaican on yall for americans thats like the kool aid jug) hahaha..so broke we selln roses now..

when the soup crackers you kno the premium name brand ones that use to come in the package of two... only contain one!! (they gotta get cheap some where.. but damn on the crackers tho)

when you have to pay 15$ to check bags on a plane.. ( before you got two luggages for free)

RECESSION..when New York State unemployement system is shut down cus its in over ride.. (true story happened this wkend NO lie)

when the porn industry..the porn industry ppl..thats like a necessity to life for a male..(like water and food) needs a bail out..

We all make Mistakes...right???

2009-01-08T08:05:00.000-05:00

So Saturday night while chillin and drinking wit a couple girl friends...

Fatal Mistake #1 happened...I called up ma ex....I half blame it on the alcohol and I half blame it on just my desire to "hear his voice"....uugh... Well maybe alcohol was just an excuse....SUE ME!!!

Fatal Mistake #2....He doesn't answer of course why would he....I mean he did tell me in a rather boisterous tone never to get in contact with him ever...He however texts me...what's up...U aight....drum roll please...I ANSWER....nah....

Fatal Mistake #3....I continue a long drawn out texting conversation of which of course I did most of the texting...things to the effect of I miss u yadda yadda....

Fatal Mistake #4...Him and co-author of this blog comes over....BIG MISTAKE....I was supposed to talk to him not see him.....

Fatal Mistake #5...So they're over and co-author and best friend leave us alone...EVEN BIGGER mistake...we talk mostly catching up at first...how u been...y u never called....duh!!!!! .u told me not to....I finished school...yeaa....you know you said some things that crossed the line...yadda yadda yadda.....uugh....eventually I get all mushy ...l won't get into details of what transpired but use your imagination....

Fatal Mistake #6...I didn't expect much from our encounter....Frankly I didn't want much...shit I did only wanna hear his voice....Yet...I IM him 2 days later with his whole government....no response....a couple hrs later I call...no answer....no call back....

Fatal Mistake#7....Next day... I get a high and dry text about 7pm like SUP???....contemplated answering for like 10 mins....then guess what I did....ding ding ding...I answer...uugh....but I just say "nuthin"....no response.....later on I call again.....no answer...no call back...

Fatal Mistake # 8...I promise guys...last fatal mistake...cuz the extended version of my brain just doesn't work with him...he did have ma heart in a mean chokehold for 4 years......I send a text message of which ...it read...I called you 2nights in a row and 2 nights no response....gun cocked click click DEAD...what!!!!...I'm officially an idiot...well we all make mistakes right???....

P.S...I haven't even told my best friend about the texts and the phone calls because of sheer disgust at myself...I guess she'll find out when she reads...and I'll anticipate my tonguelashing then.....GOD BLESS my persistent soul....

Is average the new exceptional???

2009-01-07T08:26:00.000-05:00

Yesterday I got to typing a whole schpeel about self improvement got bored and I never finished it.....
If I got bored I figured u would 2....hence the deadation...
(I make up words a lot)....stick it!!!

I overhear 2 girls talking about how they got 2 Ds and some Cs in their courses in the past semester....well one of them proceeds to say that that's cool you didn't fail and she continues to say that why kill yourself when you gonna end up getting the same degree anyway.....

Ok...pause....wooossaaaa.... WHAT!!!!.....that kills me I bust my ass in a full time job 40 hrs a wk and full time school at night 5 classes to pull a 4 A-s and a B to hear these 2 girls say some shit like that....you know what else kills me it will be these same girls that get these average degrees as imma call them and then go out for a job and do average work while others with some ambition pick up their average slack....I hear my boss complain about these mediocre workers all the time...yet they seem to still get hired and sometimes never fired....

So my friends... at some point in this conversation I almost questioned my ambition like why even try???.....I mean I see these average rappers all the time....average singers....average secretaries...the ones who roll their eyes and suck their teeth at the request of what their jobs entail....these average plumbers who 2 days later your shit needs fixing again...these average bitches who men get as side pieces when they have exceptional women....u average if you take another girls man...average cuz u couldn't find and keep your own (whole nother topic)....these average Dr's some of them,... with their shit load of malpractice claims...these average lawyers...not to mention these average politicians....and they get by....so why can't I???

Welll no can't do I'll fight average being the new exceptional till the death!!!!!!.....cuz I work 2 damn hard for these average suckas to take over......

What's Ya AIM?

2009-01-05T18:40:00.000-05:00

My first music video...lol hopefully many more to come but this is the start.

3 Pts to My Heart!!!

2009-01-03T15:01:00.000-05:00

So the whole week Mr. SO (lets call him that) keeps telling me keep Friday night free...

And the whole week i keep asking why?? what are we doing...All i got was "its going to be a lot of people"...and its not in Manhattan or the Bronx...and be ready by 6:30...that's all i could shake out...DAMN!!!

Well shit happens..and i end up having to drive to pick him up from his house...I get there and he's like i dont know how to get to the place...I'm like WHAT!!!...Mind you we have had this whole point system thingy going where we get and lose points....(corny i know)...the fact that i had to drive to pick him up..(he did drive from there though) and the fact that he didnt have directions ready was already -5pts...lol...

Anyways i say "what am i putting in the GPS" he goes "Meadowlands"...Now Mr. SO obviously gave the secret away from there...(dummy)...lol...It had to be a concert, a game , or something that's kept at those stadiums in New Jersey...

We GPS the place...get there and its the Nets vs Hawks game...I like basketball...not my idea of the perfect date but it was cool none the less...the walk from the parking lot was OD far!!!!...and because i didnt know where we were going of course im dressed to impress in my heels...good thing they were comfortable...lol

We arrive around the beginning of the 2nd quarter...the seats were decent...like the midle of the middle...hehe...the Nets at this point are getting their asses smacked...the score was like 16-48 the nets hadn't scored since i got there ( by then i had to be there like 10 minutes)...i'm complaining that it has to be me that I jinxed them...He's laughing...

Eventually they start moving they tie up at 85...game goes into overtime ...the Nets win with a crazy ass 3 pointer by Vince Carter from nearly half court ...end 93-91...I have to admit i had crazy fun...especially once the game heated up...lol..it was different...so now he's up about 10 points. Lol don't ask what the prize is when he accumulates a decent amount of points...i honestly dont know..any suggestions??...lol

P.S my TV been on ESPN since last night...lol...

BTW..Bruce Willis was there..very handsome older man...ooo Steve Urkel was there too...(u know...yea that guy)

I didnt take alot of pictures i just took a couple from my phone just to see...but take a look...

THINK GREEN

2009-01-02T21:17:00.000-05:00

Every night I go to sleep with the thought of waking up to more currency
I'm trying to triple the income I'm bringing in currently
Cuz living check to check just isn't fun to me
Had a nightmare that i was broke and people made fun of me

Money cant buy happiness but everything else has a price on it
I'm married to this "ROAD TO GLAMOUR" cant you see the rice on it?
I will make it to the end if not I'm a die on it
Swatting at the finish line like it got a fly on it

Everybody chasing that AMERICAN DREAM
painting pictures in their mind preparing a scheme
"How do I get rich?" is the question;
"F**k bitches/niggas: Get Money" is the theme
i say I'm one track minded cuz i don't "THINK NOTHING BUT GREEN"

Monthly Pass to Hell!!!

2008-12-30T19:00:00.000-05:00

I work in Midtown Manhattan and I also go to school in the city, therefore I can't escape the subway..I buy a pass every month to try to save a couple pennies since during school my fare would cost me at least $6 a day...Anyone who takes the subway know that the10 car staple of the city is full of surprises both welcome and unwelcome. I could write a whole book about what I have encountered...I must add that anyone who takes the train knows that after a long day of work a seat on the train is like heaven...I enter the train at 86th street and happy as all hell there is a seat right before me...although the man to my left looked pretty normal he did have a few too many bags but he didn't smell and he wasn't talking to himself...so of course I sat my happy ass down...popped ma ipod in.. chillen..125th street no worries..138th street no worries...149th street the man to ma left proceeds to talk some untranslatable language...then starts to curse the world about how he's hungry and no one cares...and so on and so forth so naturally I begin to get uncomfortable like damn this seat feel so good and now my ass gotta get up...but I decided a little harmless mumbling not gonna hurt... and kept my happy ass there...a few seconds later man to my left takes out some shitty ass socks and draws... the dingiest pieces of shit I have ever seen and immediately a scent I can't even explain begins to consume the entire car and my face goes from content to WTF!!!!.....

This man opposite me and a little ways down senses my discomfort and beckons to me asking if I want his seat...I gladly accept and move...I don't know if New Yorkers are just full of way too much New York pride but everyone else surrounding him had tissues and arms and noses cocked in disgust but noone would move....WHAT!!!! I know the seats on the subway comfortable but not that comfortable...I guess he decides to have some pity on us and place those disgusting particles of clothing back in one of his many dusty bags... A couple of kids enter the train and one of them plops their ass right in the seat I just got up from...I couldn't help but put on a sly grin like... watch them get fooled like me...hehe... So again after a couple of stops the man takes out his smellibles and the kids start cursing and acting a fool...they began to berate the man and his stench ...by this time God forgive me but I couldn't help but chuckle no matter how disorderly these 12/13 year olds became...again the whole train is holding their noses and I just couldn't wait till the next stop to get the hell out that car....Pride or no pride this man had to have shat in those pants a couple decades ago and just been traveling....even with the comedy I couldn't take his decade old stench anymore...

The train is hell on earth I swear from the sardine packed rush hour to the slew of beggars, insane people and loud ass cackling cellphoners and underage parents wit kids they can't control ....Apart from the fact that name plates are outdated I straight stopped wearing mine because this beggar knelt before me called ma name and begged me a dollar... puzzled as to how he knew ma name... I quickly realized he saw ma nameplate....uuugh...I swear chasing that 6:51 train in the morning huffing & puffing so I'm not late is no joke barely making it a little after the lady says stand clear of the closing doors...o subway o subway o how I love and hate thee....

Excuse my bad use of the english language...last time i recalled it wasn't English class....hehe

Newbie!!!

2008-12-29T22:08:00.000-05:00

Ahh!!!!!... My blog cherry has been popped!!!!!.... Soo I finally have a blog to call my own!!!…well technically it’s not my own, I share it with my very good friend Segundo Mano… we became good friends out of unusual circumstances but that’s my “goon”…lol ( what’s up with this ghetto bafoonery??)…Anyways…welcome to our world!!!!...We just trying to make it… from the bottom up!!!… Tune In!!! (one of his albums) …he raps by the way…and yea yea I know the world is saturated with wanna bees and let me bees….But he's actually really really good and not because he’s ma friend…Eventually we’ll let you hear for yourself… and you be the judge!!!!...I’m just a young 20 year old like any other with drama and everything else involved with being a young woman…but I pride myself in having a good head on my shoulders!!!! …So I’m really excited about this new blog endeavor!!!...and I’m sure you’ll hear from us again real soon!!!...