Why are you single?

This is a question that I hate, especially accompanied by the biggest bag of bullshit logic ever “you’re too pretty to be single”. It’s a question I see pop up in all aspects of my life and discussed to no end on twitter, within my social circle and even with potential suitors. It’s the question I now get at family gatherings, the one everyone tries to tiptoe around. You get the “Do you have a boyfriend?” question first though, then the above one comes. What happened to warning me to stay away from boys?

I’m here to dispel the annoyingly incorrect logic that anyone who is single has to have something wrong with them. I mean it’s not like ridiculously flawed people don’t exist in relationships right? No way, they got boos ain’t nothing wrong with them. *eye roll with a neck roll to boot*.

IM SINGLE!! Yes I am. Have been for a little over 2 years, and there’s nothing fundamentally wrong with me. Do I want to be in a relationship? Sometimes. Do I get lonely? Hell yes! My internet history, the growing number of toys I own and the fact that I sometimes press send on a text, where the recipient has no business ever seeing my number pop up in their phone, definitely attests to that fact.

Step into the mind of a 23 year old, relatively attractive about her shit woman for 2 seconds. Please drop your closed mind and faulty logics at the door just for a few moments.

All that left at the door? *waits for head nod* Ok welcome.

I’m not extremely picky. I was once told in jest “if I knew I could get you with a GED I wouldn’t have gone to college”. I don’t have a laundry list of requirements for men like Chilli. I actually have no real requirements other than for you to have some ambition, not be an absolute bore and relatively attractive. I do have preferences, but I’ve never looked at a man with a lot going on and say “NOPE 5’7?? BOY BYE!” I mean I’d even date a guy with no college degree (this has also been a topic of debate but that’s a whole nother cross that I ain’t ready to bear), granted he’s doing something with himself and trying to progress. Hello I could pass up a Bill Gates being on a high horse. On the flip side, nope I won’t date the guy at McDonalds who’s cute, just cuz. That’s like buying the nicest Prada suit and putting on a pair of dusty Air Force ones with it. I didn’t do all that’s right in this world to be a good human being with all chances at love and success to just gather up anybody because I don’t want to be single.

I’m not crazy. Why is every single woman considered crazy? Granted there are women who men run from like the plague because they send you one good Morning text and take you on a date and now you think you’re cuffed blowing up phones and asking all dem questions (Emmanuel Hudson voice). I mean I know I’m not necessarily the one to assess my own crazy, and everyone has their moments, but I’d be willing to let go past boyfriends and old potential suitors and have you ask them all the questions. I’m sure they’d say I’m a little ditsy and don’t take myself too serious, but I’d say its the right kinda crazy, silly crazy, like eat a teaspoonful of ketchup to make you laugh crazy (I’ve actually done that).

I don’t jump from one man’s bed to the next, I don’t smell (random I know), I do like to talk, but with purpose, I’m not a party animal, I don’t (blah blah blah blah) The list goes on for all the crazy reasons I’ve heard. I’d actually say with great certainty that I am a good woman. So why am I single?

Let’s just take note that I am 23. Not every woman in this world has the desire to be married by 25. Why can’t I be allowed the time, and the opportunity to make sure that the next man I’m with is the man I would want to be with forever? I date. I meet men, but in all honesty I don’t want to continue embarking on journeys in relationships that end with me in a bathroom stall crying my eyes out. I’m just not interested in a bunch of boyfriends and break-ups before I get there. Call me jaded but heartbreaks are painful. I’m legit not quite ready to settle down, I have so much to do before I even think about marriage, I want to make sure the time, the person and MYSELF is right. Right is sooooooo relative, but that right depends on you and how you feel, not based on a list of requirements that society set, or a time crunch, or the fear of being labeled tainted. RIGHT BECAUSE IT IS RIGHT. Whatever right is I’m sure I’ll know, whether that’s 5 months from now or 5 years from now.

I’m not counting out the possibility of finding my potential boyfriend or husband at this age. The point is I have not come across someone who has made me want to break this mindset. If he comes along, I’m sure I’ll be open to him, and I’d even be open to getting my heart broken by him, cuz I know what it is to experience something so great you don’t mind the pain. But I want to lessen the likelihood of that, the better the fit, the less likely I break someone’s heart or get mine broken. He just hasn’t come along yet and it doesn’t make me less of a woman because of this. I’ve met some really nice guys, but not everyone who is nice is your match. So NO I’m not crazy, NO I don’t have wack pums, NO I’m not picky, NO I’m not used, bruised and refused, Yes I’m open to love, NO I’m not bitter, and YES I do have people who’d jump at the opportunity to make me their girlfriend, but I’m not going to play with someone’s emotions, going half assed and thinking about the “him” that got away just for the sake of not being the well admonished single girl.

I’m sure my story, is that of several other women out there. I’m not trying to speak for all. We all have our quirks, but when you value yourself, you set a higher standard for yourself. I do hope that I won’t be single forever waiting for Mr. Right who has no face, or definite requirement, It’s sometimes a frustrating process, but I also think I’m young with a hell of a life to live, and there’s no need to rush.

Love, Peace and a butt squeeze.

Kees.