The BIG question

Lemme just say that I responded to my friends question in a rush, I had just gotten into work, but I wanted to give him a response.

He is on of my closest friends, and we talk about EVERYTHING, but this...it kinda caught me off guard.

I would edit my response for clarity, but I'm not in the mood, I also don't know if I answered well, I was kinda stumped, like how do you really respond to a question like this? Anyway let me get to it...his email is in red...my response is in purple.

Good morning. I want to know, why are black women so hateful? Lol. You aside, I’ve noticed that most black women seem to be walking around with this chip on their shoulders when it comes to relationships. I sit next to a group of women @ work who all just seem to talk about how the relationships they pursue never really live up to their standards. I know this is a familiar accusation toward a lot of guys that really do not put in enough effort in their relationships outside of the bedroom, but here’s my burning question; do you feel that sometimes women’s idea of what an ‘ideal-guy’ is, is somewhat unreasonable? I think this applies to women of all races, but I have found it more prevalent w/ black women. This coming from a black man w/ years of black on black relationship experience (me).

Lmao…at years of black on black experience, ok (me and you both know you're full of bullshiggity)…Anyways, Jess my initial reaction to your question, was damn I feel like there are hateful women in many different races, but I do get why black women get most of the “hateful” flack, I think it is correlated to the fact that black men get the flack for being bad fathers, criminals and overall no good men. If you think about it the majority of black women are going after this demographic, not meaning those kinds of men, but a black man in general, and it would kinda make sense that if I’m going after a criminal etc then I'm going to have issues. Me personally my expectations of a man are not incredibly high, I think I desire honesty, openness and ambition and if I can get a relatively good looking guy then I’m alright. I’m in no position to speak for other women, however I do think that sometimes, women clump men into a certain box, and then any inclination of them doing anything wrong is license to just shoot and be mean. On the other hand do you think that some black men’s characters and behaviors are way too low, is it too much to want a guy that respects you and your body and mind, and respect himself?....If I can’t find a man like that then I rather be single. I think that all the qualms black women have with black men may be legit…I just think that delivery plays an important role. Some women don’t know how to eliminate hateful words and curses, while some women can relate the same emotions, but have it come across more clear/friendly/nice because of how they say it. I would say that some of the issues I have with men (black) are legit. So basically the hateful part I think stems from delivery and not necessarily expectation…Is it bad that I want a man that’s faithful?, I don’t think so. And if he cheats on me and I get angry, is it wrong that I cuss…especially if we made a mutual decision to be monogamous? Am I to say damn my expectation of monogamy was too high?

I don’t know maybe I need specific examples of what exactly you have found black women being hateful towards black men about, maybe then I can dissect this question further, but that’s all I got homie.

I still love you though, you white woman lover!! 0_o

What do you guys think? Can you answer that question any better?

EDIT: his 2nd response is below

I mean, C****’s cool, but I def would kill her 1st when the revolution comes…just to show whitey I mean business…lol. Really tho, do u feel like most guys (not just black) try to treat you like ur “below” them? I found that a lot of the women here feel that way. More of them have never met a guy that’s genuinely tried to treat them as equals. I’ll be straight up, I’m guilty of this. But how do women expect guys to treat them as equals when they expect chivalrous actions? I wouldn’t hold a door, pick up the dinner tab, or be super polite to any reg guy. But women want that. I swear I’m not a misogynist, but don’t you think it’s a little hypocritical? As I’m typing this, a co-worker read it & gave me the business…lol

EDIT: I added my response to that...after a little bit of thought. help me on this as well if you can

I feel like I’ve been treated as an equal in some and not in others. I feel like guys use that whole chivalry as an excuse to be assholes sometimes. Remember that most ideas of chivalry etc have gone on for decades, and is ingrained in us. We’ve just recently been trying to flip the script, some people like it, some people don’t. Do I think that people should be polite, pick up tabs etc.YES…people both men and women can do this, I don’t think its an expectation of mine, I feel that women who have the expectation that men HAVE to pick up the tab instead of doing it voluntarily because they want to be a gentleman, and it’s THEIR personal preference, have the equality thing all wrong. For instance when we get dinner, you always pay, I want to ask you why? I’ve never asked you to pay, neither do I EXPECT you to pay, however you do that voluntarily (although admittedly I’ve never said NO I got it). That doesn’t mean now that because you paid for my dinner that gives you the right to treat me like shit…nor does it mean that I can’t ask you to be a nice guy or not treat me like your little puppy. (I’m just using me and you as an example). On another note does C**** EXPECT chivalrous actions?, have the women you spoke to declared that those are their expectations?...Or are you the guy in the situation ASSUMING that that’s what we think? Holding a door, is a nice thing to do anyway, I do that EVERY SINGLE day, and people should be super polite all the time…so I dunno.. But that’s all I’ve got.