Phatty or Fatty

I've never been obese. I also would never have been called the fat girl (except for maybe around age 10 or 11, when I visited my Dad's house in Miami for 2 weeks and ate so much I got home and my mom couldn't even recognize me because I had gained so much weight) At that point however I wasn't obese but anyone would have said I could stand to lose a few pounds.

Now with that being said I was feeling really fat, not because I'm fat per say by anyone's standards. I'm 5'6 and at my heaviest I was 164 lbs. I've been on a new healthy trip why because although a lot of the times clothing can mask a lot of imperfections I just don't feel comfortable in my skin, or at least @ 164 I didn't feel comfortable. My face tends to be the 1st place that I gain weight, and having a double chin although you're not obese isn't cute @ all. The thing I hate now is when I tell people I'm trying to lose at least 15 lbs so that I can feel comfortable, and they tell me I'm fine. Really fine? None of you who think I look FINE has ever seen me naked. My gut yes GUT isn't cute. My arms look terrible in tank tops(to me) and my legs wobble and rub when I walk. All these "imperfections" can be masked by clothes, but I'm not happy with what I see when I stare in the mirror.

Now its fine that you think I look fine. I just wanna make one thing clear with whatever it is that I do in my life. I DO IT FOR ME!!!!! I DO IT TO MAKE ME FEEL GOOD. I DO IT SO THAT IM HAPPY. Because if I'm not happy how can I function. I understand the concept of being happy with what you have if you can't change it. However weight is something I can change. Eating like a savage at every chance I get is something that I can change. Having toned legs and arms and a stomach I'm not embarrassed by in a bikini is something I can change. I'm choosing to change for me. Right now I'm 153 lbs and I'm starting to feel a lot more comfortable with my body. Ideally I want to be about 140 or 145 the most. Why because that's what I feel will be my confidence size.

I have gone through severe changes lately to acquire my ideal size and although sometimes I do cheat. Chocolate is my vice I've been working really hard, for real for real this time. All other times I used to play around, but I'm really serious about the ideal me this time around. I know when I get to my ideal weight there will be those who say "OOHH YOU'RE TOO SKINNY" but again that will be shut down with. THANKS FOR YOUR IMPUT BUT I DIDN'T DO THIS FOR YOU OR A COMPLIMENT I DID THIS FOR ME AND MY CONFIDENCE, NOW SKIDDADDLE AND MIND SOMEONE ELSE'S BUSINESS."